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Steam Wars -- the ultimate steampunk movie is a dream movie project of the guy who did Lost Skeleton of Cadavra. I pray he gets to make it. It's totally awesome!






Here's a drawing I did of me and Kelly in honor of the Season.


This is a poll today for my readers. It poses a question and then asks which listed suggestion is the most sound. I advise each and every one of my readers to show this poll to their children and their children's toys, who may or may not be sentient. I also wish everyone, even the toys, to experience the joys of smoke-bathing. This is my new invention and it's going to change your routines in the morning. Yes it will. I have a big Federal Mandate that says it will. Put this on your business cards and in the header field of every letter/paper you write: "If you haven't smoke-bathed, you haven't ever been clean."
Now Vote! (see below)

What's the best way to break out of jail?
  • Via the dirigible

  • Climb any ladders that you find.

  • Dig horizontally, not vertically. Why?   Holes in walls may lead to outside. Holes in ground lead only to flesh-burning Earth's core.

  • Via a "Jet-House" (a house with jet boosters)

  • Buy the jail and then appoint family members as wardens (they're the most likely to relinquish the keys).

  • Flap your leathery wings... Emit a bone-chilling shriek... Hold the Night to your bosom... Fly!

  • Incite a riot and then quell it. Leadership and adaptability are highly regarded in prison and are rewarded with immediate emancipation.

  • First, fashion human "dummies" out of whatever you find: sheets, pillows, etc. Then furtively replace everyone in the jail with them. As you go about your day, you'll see the dummies and think everything is normal, but in fact, everybody's flown the coop! Now, pull a switch-eroo so that it's actually you and not them who has absconded. This patented reversion-of-reality technique is bona fide, guaranteed, and tried-and-true. There is actually no cosmical way you can go wrong.

  • Foot massage ~ you have to admit, it has got to be the best way to break loose from the slammer!

  • In the wee hours of the morning when everyone's asleep, slowly chip away at the plaque on your teeth with smuggled floss and make-shift toothbrush. This will free your mouth from the prison that is bad oral hygiene. Let's face it, once your mouth is out of jail, you're pretty much extricated, my man. Now that's liberation.

  • Via Scott Bakula

  • Befriend any insects you meet. They hold the secrets of the World Within, and will divulge all they know in exchange for dung.

  • Disguise yourself as a nun. People will do a double-take when they see you in your cell. They'll think, "There shouldn't be a nun here!" Give it a couple weeks and you'll be back on the Outside, free and clear.

  • Via astral projection ~ Only go ahead and take your whole body along for the ride!
    • Vote often, and in earnest. Also, fervently. With fervence. Vote like there's never been a yesterday. Vote like the wind.

    Click to vote! View Results.




    Sleek fighting robot designs pretty darn scary to me.



    German kids book with salamander reminds of Woodring.



    Discovery of fossilized little people will mean rewrite of textbooks.



    Perhaps Orang-Pendek, a sort of mini-Sasquatch that has been sighted for centuries in Sumatra, is member of this new species.


    Last night I went and saw Art Spiegelman talk. It was rad.

    He talked about Henry Fletcher, aka Fletcher Hanks, who was a comic creator in the 1940s... one that was truly terrible and awesome. Not much is known about him. He was probably insane. He might very well be responsible for the extremely obscure Fantomah, Mystery Woman of the Jungle, who, believe it or not, was the world's very first female superhero. Fantomah looked like a beautiful blonde woman, but she could transform into an ugly, corpse-faced creature to fight crime ( still keeping her luscious blonde curls, of course). I find the concept of this character to be brilliant and ground-breaking.



    Read Fletcher's comic The Super Wizard Stardust. And another one here, or at least browse to get a sense. Works of transcendant beauty.
    There's also Tabu the Wizard of the Jungle and Space Smith. I'm sure at some point he made a comic character who was the "The Wizard of the Space Jungle!". I wouldn't put it past him. I wouldn't necessarily put it past myself either.





    MYTH-TAKES: A New Series On How different Cultures Answered the Age-Old Questions (Through the Making of Myths)

    Part 1:

    How Did the Goat Get Its Hair?

  • Goat spied itself a River and did drink. Water, which was a randy fellow, jumped onto Goat and did sing Goat's praises in an obnoxious and unmentionable manner. Goat, now wet and drowning, called out for its allies, Air, Rock, and Tree, but they were out scouting the West, and could not reply. Goat tried to kick Water off its back but it did no good. And soon, Water had the better of Goat and Goat was dead. Where Goat lay on Ground, it started to decay and strange branches grew out of its skin. This is why goats have hair. (Marlasas)

  • Once there was a man named Orma who decided to travel to the highest mountain so that he could jump from its peak and prove to his wife that he was in fact a god. He wasn't sure what he was going to do once he jumped off. Fly around? Heal the sick? Make lightning? What did gods do anyway? He would figure that out when he came to it. During his journey, Orma bent over and ate the vegetation on the side of the mountain, and he whispered his plans to it. As everyone knows, vegetation is a notorious blabbermouth and tattle-tale, and couldn't keep a secret if you watered it daily. It snitched every word of Orma's plans to the gods. The gods thought the situation was funny, so they sent Jase the masked one, the funniest of all the gods, to make fun of Orma. Thus, they were all assured a good laugh. But Jase was tired that day, and kind of sick of always being the one sent to places to provide amusement for everybody. He was beginning to feel like a tool. When he saw Orma he took pity on him and turned him into a weird animal that we now call a goat. Jase made the animal be a good climber with plenty of hair to keep it warm. This was so that Orma would reach the top quickly and in good health. Jase's action weren't funny to anybody and the rest of the gods were sort of pissed off. Orma got to the top of the mountain and jumped off, and even became a god, but nobody was impressed, least of all his wife, and not even this storyteller. Still, goats are gods, so don't eat them. (Prestonia)

  • Back in the time before Harmitt and the Red Dasher stole their souls from Great Dark, back before the Wheat-flayer was yet born, back even before the time there were only two stars to battle it out in the night sky - but after there were way too many stars up there and all the land's creatures were blinded, there was a city called Szash. The King of Szash was very cruel and sent all of the city's women to Great Dark's caverns below the ocean where they could become witches if they wanted to. He also sent the city's children up into the trees to act as look-outs for any signs of Great Dark's Betrayal. The men he sent off to war in the deserts so that they might die and return as spirit warriors or not return at all, it mattered little to the King. He also sent the pets of the city into exile, giving them powerful cushions to rest upon in their tours of the other scenic spots of the lands beyond Szash. He went so far as to trade fine silks in exchange for hospitality in foreign lands for the domesticated animals, which included frogs, geese, cats and beetles. Once the evil king had sent everyone away, there remained only the goats. (One should remember that back then, during this crazy time, goats were hairless.) The goats were forced to do all the normal chores of men, women, children, and pets in the city. They ran the city for 300 years, and did a great job but this wasn't good enough for the King of Szash. He was thoroughly disappointed in everything they did. He kept getting angrier and angrier at the goats. For 300 years his rage and frustration built up and built up, until he finally exploded. The goats still wear his exploded remains (i.e. hair) as a mark of pride. The end. (Firiji)

  • Mootik the Spirit was wily and crafty beyond the words of the storyteller. He was so tricky and cunning that I myself feel like I can only begin to barely graze the surface of it in my description and will only do so upon threat of death, which is why and how I have found myself here talking to you. Mootik could steal the feathers off birds, the trunk off an elephant, even the legs and arms off of a human, and they would be none the better for it. They would never know. It is a most incredible thing and I am forced to speak of it. One time, and only one time, did he get caught. And that was with the most vile of creatures, the most dreaded and sickening of all creatures, the one with a name in my language that cannot be spoken without first removing one's tongue first so that one cannot actually even speak it. So I will use the name in your speech to avoid Mootik's wrath: this unholy beast, it is so hard to even say, but I am threatened ... goat. On this occasion, Mootik was confident, as he should and always should be, and he stole the goat's wings from on top of its head, and laughed and paraded around merrily with the host of humankind behind him, celebrating and dumping noodles into wells (which was customary), and wrapping everyone with his long tongue. This is what always happened to honor Mootik's cleverness. But the goat saw and heard and noticed, which had never happened and will never happen and is a great shame for Mootik and all humankind. Goat said, "Mootik, I know you have taken my wings. Give them back, please." And Mootik and his humankind host stopped and stood motionless in shock. Time stopped, until finally Mootik said, "You have discovered, vile goat" (only he used the creature's real name which was never again uttered by humankind). "Here are your wings." And Mootik gave them back. Or did he? He did not. In fact, he gave the goat the hair he stole from humankind, long ago, which we'd never noticed was gone until that very moment (Clever Mootik!) and the goat accepted the hair which it thought was its wings and was completely fooled, and never did notice. And Mootik smiled and his tongue encircled the earth, and he pranced about. For he had won in the end, and everyone (even the most wicked goat) joined him in the Great Victory Dance, and the wells were never dry of noodles for weeks. Please don't kill me. (Gorach Peoples of Nabi)


    Riddle: Five pieces of coal, a carrot and a scarf are lying on the lawn. Nobody put them on the lawn but there is a perfectly logical reason why they should be there. What is it?

    I appreciate this t-shirt on a much deeper level than you: Onion Shirt with Amusing Message

    I've been hanging out at this site called Gorilla Suit and it's great and the gallery is filled with the work of a talented Arthur Jones, and he recently self-googled his name and heckled the other Arthur Joneses.

    They found fossils of hobbits: Lost World of Tiny People




    Recently I revealed to you our glorious robotic future in a piece I wrote for this web page (see below or click here). And some of you took exception, sending me letters telling me that I am a buffoon and a roustabout. I've thrown all of them away because they offended me, but three of them I kept. I actually think the authors of these letters make some decent points. I've included their names though so you could look them up and soundly beat them with an instrument of violence of your choosing. I recommend the chijiriki, a Japanese spear and chain combo. I tolerate no transgressions in matters of decorum. My followers know this. Now on with the reader feedback.


    Prepare to Enter... The Chamber of Distractions (today's fancy way of saying links):

    Woke up, fell out of bed, dragged a comb Across My Head - overcompensating, an autobiographicalish web comic

    Don't you get any on ya, You Sloppy Pig - make-your-own garfield comic, beats doing any sort of work

    Put your thang down, flip it and Reverse It - a dictionary for when you can't think of the word

    Don't know much about Geography - a geography textbook from 1864, because 1864 was geography's "heyday", it was all downhill from there

    Dig him up and shake his hand, Appreciate the Man - Arthur Rackham, famous illustrator extraordinator

    Stop, children, what's that sound, everybody look What's Going Down - free audio books, an alternative to reading, now with a no-purchase option





    Table of Contents from a Book of Child Safety Tips for Parents

    Chapter   1 -- How to Avoid Cannibals
    Chapter   2 -- Know When to Say No: "Mommy, can Attila the Hun sleep-over?"
    Chapter   3 -- Why Bear-Traps Make Ouchy Hannukah Gifts
    Chapter   4 -- The Floor - Nature's Place to Put Things that Trip Your Child
    Chapter   5 -- Certainly Not The Elderly - Who can you trust to pull your child out of quicksand?
    Chapter   6 -- Going About Unchaperoned While Stepping Barefoot on Broken Glass in an Abandoned Mine Shaft is Not a Good Idea, and other Myths about Child Safety
    Chapter   7 -- Taking a Child's Anxiety about the Boogie Man Seriously - Why you should always set fire to your house, change your name, and move out of town
    Chapter   8 -- Laser Beams - The Invisible Menace
    Chapter   9 -- Where the Bad People Live: Minneapolis, MN
    Chapter 10 -- "Curses, Foiled Again!" - How to free your child from the clutches of pesky mustachioed villain cliches
    Chapter 11 -- Know When to Get Out of the Room: "Daddy, why are my teeth talking to me?"
    Chapter 12 -- Bees in Mexico: Why it's best to never go outside
    Chapter 13 -- Nine Full-Proof Tips on How to Prevent Cannibals from Subliminally Brainwashing You Into Serving Your Children to Them for Breakfast
    Chapter 14 -- Yes, I Will Do As You Command: Why serving your children to cannibals for breakfast is actually a good idea


    Baron von Slinkenmuchen wisely points our mouses to MonkeyArmy.com.

    As well as this fine animated work of absurdity.

    Speaking of robots, how about this little qtime movie of a man who claims to be a robot?


                       
                       
                       


    Stop and think about this for a second:



    This is what we have decided we look like when we die.


    Dogs


    Here are the last 23 headers in case you missed them:

    Welcome to the website that's...

    "making it seem like you're catching up with Henry, but if you were to actually take stock, it's just goofy links you probably won't click on!"
    "got a secret crush on salon.com!"
    "on hiatus? Sorry, folks!"
    "some kind of fungal growth!"
    "a certified sexual surrogate!"
    "NOT actually eating bacon in the photographs. That was for the sake of the narrative!"
    "vain and high-tempered, with a tendency towards physical beauty!"
    "a whole lotta nuthin goin on!"
    "rockin' you with a Taste of the Seventies!"
    "dum-dum-DUM!"
    "he as you are he as you are me and we are all together!"
    "the Russian's secret weapon against us!"
    "tending the garden that is our friendship!"
    "built a giant death-ray aimed directly at Earth!"
    "now aware that opium IS a narcotic!"
    "reluctantly crouched at the starting line!"
    "mildly embarrassed by the number of orgasms it gives!"
    "revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night!"
    "one of your mold creatures; one which has been bidden by me to destroy this plane of existence!"
    "all prettied-up in one of them girly-dresses!"
    "more fun than a barrel. And no, not one full of monkeys... just a barrel!"
    "ashamed of what it is willing to do for the sake of the narrative!"
    "everyday people!"




    It's the 22nd Century (or near-abouts) and that means it's time for robots to start becoming more involved with our everyday lives, just like people predicted back in the Eighties!

  • Want to surf the Internet? Well, with robots, you won't have to.
    A robot will surf the Internet for you.

  • Want to listen to your cds, but don't want to have to switch them out each time?
    A robot will act as your personal D.J., selecting the cds (and even individual songs) of your choice to play on the stereo and speakers that you provide.

  • Do you ever get lost while driving? With a robot next to you, you'll get where you want to go (more often than not).
    A robot especially designed for this purpose will sit in the passenger seat of your car and will print out your whereabouts on bio-degradable paper (yes, we have the technology!).

  • Want to record your spoken words, but don't want to write them down and pay an actor to read them off the page? You won't have to with the next generation of robots in our lives.
    A robot will play sounds that are similar to the words you have chosen, and one day soon even in the order that you specify.

  • Want a pet, but don't want it to act much like a real animal, but still want it to move its legs some and emit beeps and make yourself look trendy as a result of your ownership of such a thingamabob, I mean "companion"?
    A robot, or facsimile there-of, will mimic a pet in-so-far as it will be shaped such that it is reminiscent of one.

    This is your future! And the future... is tomorrow!

    Remember: All robots are uni-functional! This means each robot of the future will be specifically tailored for each individual task. If you're a rich person, you can have tons of robots all over the place. Even if you're poor, expect a robot at the grocery store to provide sodas for you when you insert coins or dollar bills into its mouth or cavity somewhere in the vicinity of its shins. Expect a robot to turn on a light when you flick a switch. Expect one in your closet that will rotate through your ties so that the one you want for that day is accessible. Oh, sorry, don't expect that last one if you're poor. That's for the wealthy, my bad.

    Say hello to the new world that we all (or most of us anyway) deserve!

                       


    Found a new photo of my great-grandfather today online. Score.



    Sargent's painting of Stokes couple - don't know if there's a relation


    This is the next generation in robotic design? I'm sorry, but this doesn't work for me.




    Alien Hominid - it's one of them animated games
    Aliens and Children - it's one of them creepy scary websites (made by crazies?)
    Not actually about Aliens - it's the artwork of Camille Rose Garcia
    Like Latter - only it's David Barnes


    Today's poll isn't going to make a lot of sense to people. But just wait 127 years! ;)

    What should "Schwarpy" (2131's favorite Soysoy Idol) do in the cliffhanger seez-ender? Your great-great-great-grandchildren will want to know!

  • Schwarpy should defeat Soupy the Snake and even his "brainy" cousins, Medugo and Clamp. He can do this by activating all of the Bomb Planets. When they blow, it'll be flake-time for the Elder Baron! And kaboomtime for kin.
  • Have a funeral for Breader before he goes to the war-room. This way, E.T.C.H. can't discipline him for not honoring fallen comrades. I wouldn't put it past Schwarpy to lob a spit grenade into the coffin though!
  • Octo-Croc! Octo-Croc!
  • Team up with the Wools. This will be a good x-over, not like last seezer's Game Face ep. The Wools will finally take up arms, and we'll get to see Jacken fight Batra-style! Schwarpy will punch through the Strato with the key gloves that the Wools found in Cherryland.
  • Go after his father's attempted murderer by solving the mystery alluded to in seez-4.
  • Reawaken Smoke-On, the main godragon. Convince him to clear out the remaining Dog-Goners in Starcave, so Schwarpy can fly on through! Next seez can start out in Gryth and Schwarpy can become a Steward Monk like his spec-mate Jon Phox, and they can be wed.
  • Because he deserves another mention: Octo-Croc!

    Click to vote! View Results.





    Poll:
    Which one of the shows listed below with the funny made-up names is the best show on television if these shows actually existed in an alternate reality in which YOU get to pick which show is the best and they were actually on television?

  • Bungee Jumping Aunts
  • The Cowardly
  • Journey to the Center
  • Mr. Blam
  • Hotel Sacramento
  • Plants on Patrol
  • Suzie Ottoberg's "Battleship Down!"
  • What the Celebrities Did... and Still Do
  • Flat Tire: Getting a Flat Tire
  • Under the Cover Mysteries
  • Walrus R Us

    Click to vote! View Results. Voting DISENABLED. Somebody is disabusing the voting system. Shameful.


    If you don't know this yet by now, I'm not going to be the one to tell you:

    The shape of plant collenchyma cells and the shape of the bubbles in beer foam are the same - they are orthotetrachidecahedrons.

    Also, yiff is the Furries' term for sex.

    And just so no one says no one told you:

    Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button
    Babies don't have kneecaps
    Almonds are peaches
    Gorillas like celery
    A fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball
    Another word for the symbol # is octothorpe
    Duck's quacks have echos
    Jackalopes are just rabbits with Shope's papilloma
    When David Bowie was in school, he got into a fight, and was stabbed in the eye with a compass


    One link to get you through the day. Don't say I never did nothing for you neither:

    Famous Monkeys Through History





    Treasure Box - Surreal puzzle game.

    Dungeon Majesty - Cheesy cable-access show where some girls play D&D. Download the movie teaser. Funnyness.

    Just Letters - Self-explanatory.

    Overheard in New York - Ditto.

    Hope Larson - Awesome cartoonist.


    More of those hip artist type people, if that's your cup of tea:
    Scott Radke
    Attaboy
    Luke Chueh
    Tara McPherson
    Justin DeGarmo




    This supervillain's name is Owl.


    Painter Joe Sorren's work

    Beaker Costumes (I never knew there was this Void in my life)

    Psychics or just Synaesthetes? Article ponders





    Tired of my polls? Well, here's another. Today's poll more closely resembles a list of suggestions and was brought to you by the number "Eleven".

    How are we going to get children to stop being interested in dinosaurs?

  • Tell them they were filthy stinky creatures that are now dead.
  • Reenact the dinosaur's extinction as a school play. Only, do it in complete darkness. Kids hate darkness. They're afraid of it.
  • Insist that all dinosaurs had feathers like birds. And that they all had beaks and wings. Finally, mention that they are the same size as birds, and that in fact, they actually are birds, and that they never went extinct and are still among us and are called parrots, blue jays, cardinals, penguins, etc.
  • Use Reverse Psychology: "Oh, dinosaurs are the best! They are just the most fantastic things!" Optional: "They make the sunshine!"
  • Dress up as a triceratops and visit the classroom. Take off your mask in front of the class and say, "I am not actually a triceratops". This will completely disillusion them.
  • Bring up nonchalantly in conversation that dinosaurs hated Pokemon. Also: boogers, pizza, video games, recess, and cookies. Tell them that dinosaurs made up the concept of homework.
  • Point out how, if they were to look closely, they'll notice T-Rex looks silly with his arms all tiny like that. Go one step further and change it in the Latin books so that "Rex" doesn't mean 'king'. Make it mean 'lard-butt'.
  • Film a sequel to Jurassic Park so that it features tooth brushes instead of dinosaurs. You can call it "Jurassic Park 2: New Breed". Added bonus: no more cavities.
  • Give positive reenforcement every time a child doesn't show an interest in dinosaurs. This means sweets, cash, and toys.

    Remember, our actions today will create a new race of atomic super-children.

    Click to vote! View Results.


    Get ready for... Electronodes (today's fancy word for links):

    The Infinite Cat Project - I like this. Click on Next Cat, and then Next Cat, and then Next Cat...

    Bushisms - Why am I electronoding to this? Because I like stuff like "kill at the whim of a hat", "where wings take dream", and children living in "the dark dungeons of the Internet", and even, "...as manifested in public policy through the faith-based initiative where we've unleashed the armies of compassion to help heal people who hurt."

    Medical Illustrations done by kids.

    FELT - God hates Rags.

    Sprout and the Bean - See what you think of this Joanna Newsom music video.

    Pirates & Emperors - Awesome Schoolhouse Rock parody.


    Yeah, and maybe that's all I got today. Wonk, wonk.


    If anyone has any funny photos like this one they want to see put up on this page, email them to me and I'll be gracious.




    People are always asking me about my spiritual inclinations and I just tell them that I believe in the Total Demarkation of the Subline Principle.


    Comics

    Mo' comics

    My comics hero, Jim Woodring


    Note: this is not Jim Woodring. Rather, it is a painting of a strange man posing with apes.

    My Yeti Abomibanable Amobinbl Aboman MAN BEAST! page got a big update today!


    Can you smell it? Polls are in the air. Why? Because I said so, THAT'S WHY.

    Should Brennan rename his pet bird, yes or no? (The current name for her is "Dude")

  • Flotsy
  • Lilith
  • Miss Feathers
  • Little Tweeter
  • Sharon
  • Beaky
  • Mello Yello
  • Sgt. Peckinsworth
  • The Lady of San Sagrotte

    Click to vote! View Results.


    Links. Because you know you want them, but you don't know how to ask for them.

    A game that is out there to play - involves clicking numbers in order quickly.

    Tiny Plaid Ninjas - involves a flash cartoon of tiny plaid ninjas.

    G.I. Joe PSA cartoons - involves dubbing them over with occasionally funny content.

    Music Video cartoon - nicely done animated quicktime music video.

    Ming the Merciless - involves madness. Click around a lot.

    Nate suggests - looking for "Salad Hands"





    Get ready for... Hyperpoints (today's fancy word for links):

    Sara's made it into the Lambiek Comiclopedia.

    This is awesome: Rock Paper Scissors Spock Lizard. I think it's going to revolutionize decision-making in the new century.

    Just yesterday I was wondering if anyone had ever made sculptures out of Magritte paintings. I looked around but couldn't find much. Coincidentally, one of Dorotha's friend's posted this picture to her blog and I found it today.




    Poll me a river! Today's poll does the unthinkable and asks YOU for input.

    What would you like to see more of on this page?

  • Jabba the Hutt
  • Belgian death metal bands
  • Stuff about "Furries"
  • More about your dietary tastes
  • Quirky photos of funny haircuts
  • Poems extolling the virtues of molluscs
  • Stories culled from library books about what it's like to grow up female and parentless in Budapest
  • Michael Jackson news
  • Fun Facts about the American institution that is... The Prom
  • Guides to personal dentistry, Example: "How to Floss like the Pros"
  • Kittens falling over or making love or jumping up and down
  • Flashy colors and little blinky things
  • Guns, guns, and more guns. Make the whole site about guns.
  • Whatever, anything, do what thou wilt, as long as you stop with all the exclamation points. Geez. It's like you have a condition. Lay off the goofballs.

    Click to vote! View Results.


    Brennan sent me this and I really like it. This is what we are. Thank you, Edward Pill, wherever you are.

    Brennan writes:
    I found this poem written on the wall in my bathroom:

    An Ode to Jots
    a poem
    by Edward Pill

    Henry was once the name of automobiles
    A factory made the Henry, complete
    with four round wheels and a fifth
    to appease the human desire to
    navigate, to avoid ditches and dogs

    Henry was rounded out in shifts
    by workmen in jumpsuits and cloth
    hats, all riddled with oil and grime
    repeating and repeating their
    little part of him, creating many
    wheels again and again

    Much later, Henry became the name of
    kingdoms, vast powers and lands who
    by association, removed the heads of
    fashionable women, while coveting their
    seat but never their more human, creative
    capacities. These kingdoms still run.

    Today, Henry is both automotive intuition
    and royal land mass. His seat of power
    and his newly added seatbelt, extend by
    much farther than before imaginable for
    Henry walks upon the internet in a place
    called "Random Things I Write Down"


    Super Cute Over-the-load Extra-Fun Time Picture with The Photo Capture Fun! Time!
    Click to shrink yourself so the pictures appear to be bigger, relative in size to the scaled-down you. SLAMBURGER!



    My mother, I'm almost sure, but the baby-child may not be me, but one of my brothers. I can't think of anything interesting to put here. This picture is meant to set up the motif of cuteness.




    I want to wager a guess that we're in Scotland, but the only thing I'm basing this on is my father's hat. It could be anywhere. I think one day I'd like to find myself like my father here: black trenchcoat, ridiculous cap, a baby on me back, hands in me pockets, a whistle on me lips, enjoying a comfy gray Fall day. Preferably in Wales or Scotland or something.




    Cute picture. Note the motif of the curtains.




    Also cute. Note the motif of the flowers.

    IGOTU! You noted the motifs for no real good reason. SUCKAPUNCH!


    These links were snuck into this country under the cover of darkness, and at the risk of many human lives (at least 3). Click on them freely, but remember, there was a price. There is always a price.
    God bless the brave smugglers.

    Zoomin' around people!
    Zoom in and out painting!
    Zoomed out screenshot art


    Let's look at the polls that shape our world. Today's poll is brought to you by eggs.
    Eggs. They're what distinguishes us from reptiles! (Also: birds, insects, some fish, the echidna, and the platypus)
    Recent studies have shown that people are in control, or are trying to take control, of the majority of Earth's assets. Why do you think this is?

  • Listen, if I knew, I'd tell you. But I don't. So... SCRAM!
  • Because I'm stupid.
  • Do you jog? 'Cause you've been running through my mind all day.
  • "What's love got to do, got to do with it? What's love, but a second-hand emotion?"
  • Because of Donald Trump. Donald Trump is people.
  • I like foozball.
  • Because their friend jumped off a bridge.
  • Hey, I dunno, buddy. I'd like to control her asset, know what I'm sayin'?
  • Superdupero.
  • Doodoodoodoodoo.
  • Wallawallawalla.
  • ...........
  • Oh! I'm sorry, was I supposed to click something?

    Click to vote! View Results.


    It's that time again for Time for Photo Picture Fun Corner Time Fun! With the Photo Picture captions!
    Click the photos to see them enlarge. BABOOOGA!



    My father converses with his sister at my brother's wedding, 10/9/99. I think they look like ambassadors or diplomats. I can dig it!




    Here is my mother at a youthful age. She's not really looking like an ambassador or diplomat. I don't mean to knock her, but face it, would you hire her to negotiate a peace treaty? Or even an "armistice"? Not this webmaster!




    My family is by the water. Brother Brian is missing. My mom looks a little too much like my Spanish teacher at the time. This is eerie. Not the lake, I mean how she looks like my Spanish teacher. I really like both me and my brother's poses. Not exactly like those of an ambassador or diplomat, but close. Some indications of statecraft - I'd maybe hire us to attend galas or schmooze with the prime minister. Act as liaison with the French? Sure. But that's like it.




    My family is still by the water. Now Colin is added to the list of missing. Note how I stand apart from my parents. Where's an ambassador or diplomat when you need one? Ay ayay!


    Take this poll and call me in the morning!
    What do you think really happened to Amelia Earhart? By which I mean to say, who do you think killed her?

  • Buddy Holly
  • A consortium of international racketeers acting under the influence of a narcotic
  • Same thing as above only it was opium
  • The Lindburgh baby
  • Hypnotized pelican
  • Jack the Ripper
  • Priscilla Presley
  • The Chinese Government
  • Pterodactyls
  • God & his angels
  • The Very Clouds Themselves!!!

    Remember! They all had motive. And the capability.

    Click to vote! View Results.


    It's Time for Photo Picture Fun Corner Time Fun! With Photo Pictures!
    Click the photos to see them blow up! BOOOM!



    Here's me and my brother defending the colony. Note my coat, our hats, and the expression on our faces. I look pretty wily. Colin has the steely-eyed determination of a Stokes. We made a good team. In 1761 you did not want to be on the other end of our cannons.




    I was a specimen in a museum the year this photo was taken. Not a bad job, really. My boss was that fossil remains you see behind me. Guy named Marchins. Kind of a prick, won't lie to you. Hope he never sees this page!! ;)




    This is a shot of me just having graduated college. It was a good day. The bald men were smiling and saying amusing things to old ladies. This one person was putting their hand above their head as if to say "There was this one guy who was taller than us!" My dad was in a halo brace following a car accident and whistling a merry tune. And I towered over them all like a giant. What a day!




    "Archelon vs. Megatherium", for Natron


    One LINK!

    Drawings in miniature by Jason Daquino




    This is a collectible you can actually buy. I found it on e-bay. This is "Henry the Elephant" with toucans.





    Links are for you. They allow you to preview Heaven before your death.

    Good fantasish animation art site.

    Good school report by some kid. Scroll down for the drawings.

    Good short story made with Flash called a "VidLit".


                  

    These were the weirdest pictures I found while surfing today. That's Cary Grant there on the end by the way.


    It's Poll Time. This one's gonna make ya smile.
    Who will you be voting for in the Presidential Elections come December?

  • George W. Busch
  • Albert G."Gee-Gee" Gore
  • Third Candidate Silus Tuxley
  • I'm not voting, thank you
  • Write-in Candidate
  • Private Matter
  • Commodore Sixty Four
  • It's Time for Love to "Richie" Bloom
  • The Most Popular Seculists

    Click to vote! View Results.

    Me, I'm a Seculist Man. So I've rigged it so that you-know-who wins the poll. Don't even bother clicking to view the results. You already know what it says. Dum-dum-DUM.


           

    More of this goodness


    Another poll. You love them!
    This time the question is:
    What kind of food should Henry eat for lunch today?

  • Cranky
  • Crouchy
  • Cronkite McJagger
  • Louby Louby Lou
  • This is the dawning of the Age of Cranky
  • Croaky

    Click to vote! View Results.

    You decide my "food fate". Whatever you guys vote on, I will do! I'm just crazy that way!





    Recent story about a boy raised by dogs. No doubt a hoax.

    Most interesting to me is the part at the end about young Ivan Mishukov:

    In 1998 police near Moscow 'rescued' Ivan Mishukov, then six years old, from the clutches of a pack of wild dogs he had lived with for the last two years.

    Mishukov left the family home when he was four to get away from his mother and her abusive alcoholic boyfriend. He took to begging and won the dogs' trust by offering them scraps of food. In return they protected him, from the cold and from ill-wishers, and made him their pack leader. The police tried to rescue him three times but each time he was protected by the dogs.

    They eventually managed to separate the boy from the dogs by leaving bait for the pack in a restaurant kitchen.

    Mishukov, who could speak before he went wild, has been successfully reintegrated into society though is said to still dream of dogs.

    Two things:

  • How about that for an autobiography title, "To Still Dream of Dogs"?    Nice!
  • I want to be protected from "ill-wishers". Release the Hounds!


    A lot of people put polls on their pages, so I thought I'd give it a try. Here it is!...

    Which "Kids in the Hall" actor is your favorite?

  • Joey
  • Sandy
  • Marky
  • Marky II
  • Robby
  • Max
  • Emmanuel
  • Jebby
  • The Babylonian


    Click to vote! View Results.


                  

    I don't get it. I never heard of Aubrey Beardsley until this week, and now his name pops up everywhere I look. How come nobody mentioned him before? Where have you been all my life, Aubrey Beardsley?





    Good comic. I mean, real good comic:
    Slow Wave

    I want to see this kung fu puppet movie:
    Legend of the Sacred Stone

    Guide to:
    Springfield

    A co-worker bid me watch the video entitled "Decepatacon":>
    Deceptacon


    You can learn a thing or two from books. Take this passage from Edith Nesbitt's 1807 novel "Five Children and It". The "It" in question is a Sand-Fairy who some children discover in a gravel pit near their house. It gives wishes, looks kind of like ALF, and was last awake over a thousand years before. Anyway, right after he's found he asks the kids this peculiar question:

    "Where do you get your Megatheriums from now?"

    "What?" said the children all at once. It is very difficult always to remember that "what" is not polite, especially in moments of surprise or agitation.

    "Are Pterodactyls plentiful now?" the Sand-fairy went on.

    The children were unable to reply.

    "What do you have for breakfast? " the Fairy said impatiently, "and who gives it you?"

    "Eggs and bacon, and bread and milk, and porridge and things. Mother gives it us. What are Mega-what's-it's-names and Ptero-what-do-you-call-thems? And does anyone have them for breakfast?"

    "Why, almost everyone had Pterodactyl for breakfast in my time! Pterodactyls were something like crocodiles and something like birds--I believe they were very good grilled. You see it was like this: of course there were heaps of sand-fairies then, and in the morning early you went out and hunted for them, and when you'd found one it gave you your wish. People used to send their little boys down to the seashore early in the morning before breakfast to get the day's wishes, and very often the eldest boy in the family would be told to wish for a Megatherium, ready jointed for cooking. It was as big as an elephant, you see, so there was a good deal of meat on it. And if they wanted fish, the Ichthyosaurus was asked for,--he was twenty to forty feet long, so there was plenty of him. And for poultry there was the Plesiosaurus; there were nice pickings on that too. Then the other children could wish for other things. But when people had dinner-parties it was nearly always Megatheriums; and Ichthyosaurus, because his fins were a great delicacy and his tail made soup."

    Fascinating! I truly had no idea.


    Big Sloth Upload

    Recently I had to do some research for a drawing project involving the prehistoric giant ground sloth. I collected all of these pictures and it suddenly dawned on me how funny they were. Just look at them individually. Each of these pictures is amusing to me. What a ridiculous animal the megatherium was - or at least the way we choose to depict it.

          
                  
                  


    The less said about this one, the better (but I will advise you to note the neanderthals manning the lasers):




  • Ming the Merciless Visual Gallery

  • Welcome to the LEGO Gallery

  • I've never read the comic called 'The Fantastic Four'. I don't really care about it, really, one way or the other. But after researching the villain, a Mr. "Dr. Doom" for this very web-site (See Jots 6 near the bottom), I can't help but think that he needs to remain intact and his details made faithful when the film version is made. It has come to my attention that this will not happen - that Dr. Doom's character will be like Donald Trump, and not at all reflect the characteristics and qualities I revealed in my fun facts. This is something akin to a travesty, and I won't be lying to you if I told you it may very well determine who I will be voting for this November. Hmph!


                  
                  

    Sean was right, I like the work of Essenhigh.

    More


    ArtBots the robot talent show

    Make your own Nation State




             

    The prehistoric mammal we like to call "Indricotherium"


    Here are the last 23 headers in case you missed them:

    Welcome to the website that's...

    "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
    "currently dating Marisa Tomei!"
    "proud to be honorarily Finnish!"
    "deceptively simple in its execution!"
    "pushing the envelope... into the mail-slot!"
    "fashioning a make-shift hand-grenade out of a piece of wax, a shoelace, and maybe, just maybe, a little piece of hope!"
    "currently in training to fight bird and/or lizard-headed people in intergalactic gladiatorial contests of valor!"
    "known also by its code-name, Project: Omega Mega!"
    "unapologetically unconcerned with maintaining any sort of consistent level of quality!"
    "vegetably deficient!"
    "bonding over a lukewarm glass of lemonade!"
    "PREPARED FOR INTERSTELLAR TRAVEL!"
    "harnessing the power of the Orca, thank goodness!"
    "where hydrogen is built into helium at a temperature of millions of degrees!"
    "a place where people can exchange personal information about each other in confidence!"
    "been an active member of MENSA... not at any point!"
    "not very well named... I mean, none of the things are 'Random', are they? What was I thinking?!"
    "emblazoned with red-hot fury!"
    "your best friend... How sad is that?!"
    "patting you on the back condescendingly!"
    "sunk your battleship!"
    "bringing entirely new meaning to the word 'cry-apple'!"
    "got property of the zoo stamped on it!"



    Poor cyclops... you can tell he's getting an earload.


    In my book, this mp3 "The Heist" at the Lonely Island site (second one down under features), is a really funny parody of Eminem "Stan" type songs. I lost it when the word "Camomile" is uttered. Also, Just 2 Guyz is good. Okay, actually, like all their stuff is good.

  • I am listening to the band the Unicorns, and I like.
  • I received my copy of the book Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell and started reading, it's great.
  • I'm addicted to the game Prince of Persia for the Gamecube, which was courtesy of the generous Mr. Hayden Walling.
  • My vocabulary has been reduced to "good", "great", "like", etc. Maybe it was never reduced, and it's just always been like that.
  • Oh, and I am now in the midst of graduate school. Oh yeah, you can tell. I'm gonna do good. No, not just good. Great.


    I was emailing my friend Emily recently and I was asking her a lot of questions. Too many, in fact. So I thought that maybe I should answer her questions instead. But she hadn't asked any. So I decided to do her a favor and go ahead and answer some questions that she might possibly ask me one day. Ten of them, in fact. Here they are...


    1) no, star fish are not actually fish. they are echinoderms, like elephants, spiders, and the echidne. they do not grow on trees, unless those trees are underwater, in which case, yes they do. money does grow on trees, but star fish have eaten the money before it reaches maturity.

    2) nope. i have never really watched an episode of miami vice.

    3) that's a good question. i think the answer you're looking for is 'ice'.

    4) november 10, 1934

    5) nicknames for him included mr. belvedere, humongo-man, pop tart, fatboy fat, uncle jobo, the clovester, the sound-man, barbell, brickface, and lemonfresh.

    6) probably because the pavement was wet.

    7) the roman empire fell for a number of reasons. christianity made many roman citizens into pacifists, making it more difficult to defend against the barbarian attackers. all their money went to churches instead of more important stuff. what else? oh, declining morals, public health, political corruption, unemployment, inflation, urban decay, inferior technology. those are some other reasons.

    8) you should know this one because you were the one who told me in the first place: 'margaret thatcher and a basketball team composed entirely of nuns'.

    9) because they're scary and creepy.

    10) it is another word for a decorative trinket.


    I've got to try this: The Flapper

    Free clips of whatever the BBC has: Motion Gallery

    Well, it should come as no surprise why I like this particular quicktime clip... I'm not even going to tell you what it is... you'll have to click OH I can't help it I gotta tell you...
    THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS WITH PUPPET MONKEYS SINGING HEDWIG!!!




    I admit it, I probably wouldn't mind having a t-shirt with this picture which are on sale at this site.


    I've archived the first seven of these. You can find them here:





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