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Ebenezer REPENTED & So Can You
The Ghost of X-Mas Future Wishes You A
Happy Christmas & A Splendid New Year, Everyone.

See ya next year! -H.





Silly Patents @ Patently Silly
They Do StuffTM @ Huh Corp
Mayor Employs 400 Mimes to Encourage Citizen Behavior @ the City of Bogota
No. 4, The Loveland Frog @ The Enigma Cryptozoo Weird Predators Petting Zoo




How did Cobra Commander get to be Cobra Commander?

Cobra Commander was just an ordinary middle-class used car salesman... until events unfolded that led to his leading a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world!!!

So I did the research on the Internet. Hope you find it as elucidating as I did...

    - First, his brother Dan came back from Vietnam exhibiting signs of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
    - As a result of the condition, he drove around in his car like a madman.
    - Which caused him one day to have an accident with the car containing Snake Eye's family. Everyone involved was killed.
    - Cobra Commander, devastated by his brother's death, went mad, and for some bizarre reason decided to blame Snake Eyes, who wasn't even there or involved in any way.
    - He swore his revenge and tried desperately to assassinate him, but to no avail. This must have been frustrating.
    - Never finding closure, he finally decided he could blame the government. So off he went to overthrow it and form his own.

It all makes sense now!

Uhhh... yeah.


I recommend reading this cute real-life story about a kid visiting Darth Vader at the mall. I wish I at least had the option of seeing Darth Vader instead of Santa Claus as a kid. Speaking of the Coca-Cola creation, these scarry photos scarry my friends! What's kinda of society is this?!

Lo! Eric Conveys an Emotion




MODULOK - Evil Beast of a Thousand Bodies




  • This is the only weather web site you need: Do I Need A Jacket?
    Or at least I thought so until the annoying "Survey Says" guy comes on when the answer is No.

  • Yeah, no kidding! - there is absolutely no surprise that Homo floresiensis tops the list of The Top Cryptozoology Stories of 2004
    According to this site though, she got beaten on the list of top science advances by Water on Mars. Is it just me or is Mars always taking all the glory?

  • What does your phone number spell? ... type it in and find out! This I suggest.

  • So you want a random name? ... Random Name Generator ... Do I deliver or what? I'm like a father to you.


             

     


    If you put in "welcome to the website that's" into Google, here's the first ten results:

    welcome to the website that's "Outta Site!"
    welcome to the website that's "by, for and about the Cultural Creatives."
    welcome to the website that's "designed to prove that shopping at thrift stores can be enjoyable instead of frustrating, time consuming, and not worth the effort."
    welcome to the website that's "all about me, Carrie Ann Smock!"
    welcome to the website that's "dedicated to CONSERVING your cash and expanding your business through innovative marketing, alternative financing strategies and unique barter methodology!"
    welcome to the website that's "simply music to your ears!"
    welcome to the website that's "all about forward messages."
    welcome to the website that's "NOT JUST THE COOLEST NOT JUST THE GREATEST BUT JUST-IN-CREDIBLE."
    welcome to the website that's "all about movies"
    welcome to the website that's "going to show you how to change your life."





    More funky facts about Henry:

  • He dislikes:
        - banana flavored candy
        - shrek
        - radio ads
        - purple combined with yellow
        - raisins inside his cookies
        - the concept of "marriage protection"
        - dog poop
        - brussel sprouts
        - dressing in drag

  • He never really got into:
        - beer
        - blaxploitation movies
        - ziggy
        - chocolate covered pretzels
        - tucking in his shirt
        - sailor moon
        - jump-rope
        - cowboys
        - roseanne

  • He is all about:
        - break dancing
        - peanutbutter cookies
        - that 'weird al' guy
        - potatoes au gratin
        - the theme to the movie gremlins
        - macgyver
        - the daily show
        - vegetarian sushi
        - reese's peanutbutter cups, all the way


    The paintings of Brandon Bird
    Bea Arthur wrestling a velociraptor
    Michael Landon's anguish over a squid
    Or how bout this one?


    Words I will never use again:

    watershed
    topiary
    broach
    cater
    satanic
    huh
    yeoman
    solar
    janitor
    squawk
    arty-farty
    Michigan
    sass
    glitch
    elementary
    battering ram


    Thanks, Brennan!


    Actually, let's not forget robots
    And say we did!



    Even though they aren't technically animals, they are, technologically, PARTY animals.



    If robots have a middle name, the ONLY middle name they could have is FUN.



    There was a Gilligan's Island episode with a robot! Crazy!


    TV show titles that will never fly:

    Actual People's Naps... Reenacted
    Oh My, You're Philadelphia In Reverse!
    Jesse J. Envelope: Fat Attorney
    The Froots
    Underprivileged Babies
    Ohio Charley's Boudoir of Silence
    Urological Eye-Openers
    Sucky Cities and their Even Suckier Mayors
    Homogenous Community
    What If You Were A Neanderthal?!
    The World According to Burpy
    I See You... In the Bathroom!
    The Family That Hates Food
    Naked Except For Goop
    Go Go, Giblets!


    Probably not the best ideas for kids books:

    You'll Never See the Ocean, Ricky, This I Swear
    Tornadoes, and How to Take Them On Like A Man
    The Joys of Swallowing Small Sharp Things
    The Oldest Profession
    How To Look, Act, Talk, & Accessorize Like a Grown-Up (for Ages 3-5)
    The Best Stuff 2 Huff
    Vocabelary, Grammer, Spelling: Who Need This Things?
    Mr. Madam's Interviews With Diseased Persons
    Howie the Hobo Gets Buried In Garbage
    Eat Yourself Silly
    Favorite Curse Words of Movie Stars
    I Dare You To Barf




    The creators of Teletubbies have made a new TV show for children: Boohbah

             

    Its purpose is to encourage children to exercise. It stars five Boohbah energy particles named Humbah, Jingbah, Jumbah, Zing Zing Zingbah and Zumbah that perform simple exercise routines for children to follow. It looks even weirder than Teletubbies, if that's possible.


    I wrote this poem in response to Kelly's library woes...

    Woe be unto thee, O library
    For thou art but a lair of villainy
    Twas in thy halls I did obtaineth
    The tomes I wanted to retaineth
    Renew I tried, but could not forsooth
    For thou art vile and most uncouth
    The three weeks that thou hath allotted
    For a patron to have a tome she gotted
    Is measly, meager, paltry, base
    I curse at thee, O booky place


    Forget robots.

    Check out these diving suits!

             

    Apparently Leonardo Da Vinci invented a diving apparatus that looks like one of the Sand People or something. Anyway...

        



    Bad ideas for kids TV shows:

    The Cranimals - Visit the farm where all the animals are made of cran! (..as in cranberries)

    Trash School - Meet Scrappy, Sloppy, Junky, Mucky, and Dumpster, the kids of Trash School.

    My Mom is Rich - Scott & Samantha Superbucks relate in detail everything their mother has recently bought them.

    Gorby! - The biographically accurate adventures of Mikhail Gorbachev as a young boy

    The Bible Hotel - What happens when all of your favorite Biblical characters have to live in the same run-down hotel? And have to solve a murder mystery? Answer: Fun for children of all ages!


    Bad ideas for kids toys:

    Shock Ponies - Touch the magic ponies and receive a scary jolt!

    The Amazing Sun-Bathing Commando - His naked torso actually tans in the sunlight!

    Muddy Sally Doll - Just add mud.

    Alligator Carve-Up Kit

    The Never-Ceasing Neck-Squeezing Gripper-Twister


    Speaking of bad toys, Emily suggests reading the Amazon reviews of this skeleton toy.



    It's the most pathetic thing I've ever seen.





    highly regarded web comics:

    daily dinosaur comics
    acid keg
    jazz age




    Facial Reconstruction Kit... for Kids?!

    Ebu Gogo, the local people's name for the legendary little people on the isle of Flores, means "grandmother who eats everything". A recent story indicates that one of them has been captured.

    A tribute song to American Dinosaurs (quicktime movie).

    "A rubber ball with a tongue...... what could be more ridiculous?"

    A map to help you dig a hole to the other side of the earth. Looks like the whole endeavor is more trouble than it's worth. You will end up in the middle of the Nowhere Ocean if you dig from North America. I suggest diving deep into the Atlantic and digging from the bottom. If you play your cards right, you'll pop up in Australia!

    These all make me laugh and laugh: Your task is to write the first line of an imaginary novel. Your goal is to make it hilariously bad.
    Previous years: 2003 2002 2001

    People think this is cute: Weather Pixie


    I didn't realize there was such a thing as Blackstar, an early 80's cartoon. It was like a bad imitation He-Man. He-Man is already really bad, in my opinion, so Blackstar just takes the cake.

    Here's a description:

    This is the amazing story of John Blackstar, an intergalactic soldier of fortune. During a routine mission he is caught in the gravitational field of a black hole, and sucked through! When he recovers he finds himself on the planet Sagar. He is befriended by the Trobbits, a race of gnome like people. All is not well on their world. The evil Overlord of the Underworld is using the powerstar to conquer the whole planet! Can Blackstar stop the Overlord and his evil minions?

    Trobbits? Powerstar? Intergalactic soldier of fortune?




    Look it that! The 'Trobbit Wind Machine' includes 2 Trobbits. I want to have it!!

    In my research, I discovered that the action figures for Blackstar had cigarette lighter strikers in them that made their chests light up. I think girls go for that kind of thing.


    Pretty amazing : Ascii-movies
    Could this be the Whale Jesus? : Singin' a different tune
    San Francisco in Ruins! : As seen from a kite in 1906?
    More Children's Medical Drawings : Because you can't get enough!


             


    A new page, Henry Stokes' London, has shown up online that talks about the lives of the English father (Henry) and grandfather (Robert) of the first Stokes to settle in America (Thomas). It includes Henry's signature, as well as a recipe for his biscuits.

    Interesting: the reason the biscuit trade was booming back then was because it was a staple in sailors' diets. Henry actually moved to be nearer the shipping yards.

    For you biscuit lovers: Ode to Biscuits


        

    Exo-bots & Ligers, because you like that kind of thing.


    Spamusement
    Time Cube
    Random Website
    Weird Fortune Cookies


             


    Fool's World Map

    Brain teasers with an ursine theme

    Poor beloved comic book character Tintin has hypogonadotropic hypogonadism


    Cool facts Learned Today:

  • "Dudes" used to be a word for old rags. A "dudesman" was a scarecrow.

  • The vikings were so bad ass that they had to be bought off by the French. They could get their ships into rivers and even Paris got pillaged. A French king had had enough - he gave the vikings tons of money and a section of land in his country. Many vikings settled there and they were called Normans (after Norseman? North-man?). They assimilated, started speaking French, and then went and conquered England in 1066. My ancestor Ranaelphus de Praers was a francophonic Viking-descended bad ass! And so am moi!

  • Russia gets its name from Vikings (rus being their word for 'he who rows'). They assimilated a bunch in that geographical area too. Since my mom's family hails from Russia, maybe I've got DOUBLE VEINS OF VIKING BLOOD in me.

  • And no, we did not have horns on our helmets, thank you very much. That would be impractical in battle.

  • There is no such thing as dog sweat.

  • Carrots used to be black, green, red and purple. Then in the 16th century a Dutch guy found some mutant yellow carrot seeds that produced a freaky orange color. So yeah. It caught on big, hence our orange carrots.

  • ...

  • I've got DOUBLE VEINS OF VIKING BLOOD!


    Colin offers a likable link: The 10 Least Successful Holiday Specials Of All Time

    Halfbakery is a categorized repository of people's new ideas. There are tons of ideas. Click on a category and subsequent subcategory to get an idea of the number of ideas.

    Wow, my Furnitures site made it onto FlushTheWeb.com, the World Wide Web's Worst Websites. Look for the entry on Great Brown Oaf.





    J.R. asks if you've been to www.henrystokes.com, the web site of Henry Stokes, lately. It has been updated with cutting edge video technology!

    This is great. The skeletal systems of cartoon characters.

    Recursive animation is here to stay!

    Neo Kaiju figures for everyone!


    I wrote something and added it to the Strange Stories section.

    "Bevel Fable I: The Kingdom of the Geese"...

    "One can count all 58 of the One-Thousand Avengers as eye-witnesses."







    Oh yeah, and sockbaby is genius.


  • Today I had a big genealogy find using only Google. It's pretty crazy. I think I average one big genealogy find using only Google about every six months or so. Without further ado, here's my Semi-Annual Big Genealogy Find Using Only Google!...

    An author's intro to a book about Quaker wisdom that refers to the inspiration of our shared ancestry. The book itself is at the library on campus, and I"ll pick it up today and check it out. Huzzah!

  • Also, my great-grandfather (the chemist/occult librarian) is quoted in the 1911 Edition of an encyclopedia on the subject of PYRITE, aka "Fools Gold".
    The part of the entry with him in it goes like this:

    "Another kind of alteration which pyrites may suffer has been termed vitriolization, since the products are ferrous sulphate, with free sulphuric acid and sometimes a basic ferric sulphate. It is often said that this saline change is more characteristic of marcasite than of pyrite, but according to H. N. Stokes this statement is incorrect. Contrary, too, to popular belief, he has found a fibrous structure more common in pyrite than in marcasite."

    Dude, did you read that? My double-gee-eff is givin' the marcasite mofos the smack-down! The marcs all thinkin they high-and-mighty, thinkin they the only ones characteristic of the saline change... well, SUCKERPUNCH! - they just got OWNED by my great grand-daddy! You go, Pops.

  • While I'm on the subject of ancestors, let me mention that my grandfather's cousin, the guy who went to India, is profiled on Dimdima, an online kids'magazine. They call him the Apple Man, and even have a cartoon of him. Plus, someone named John Weiss is revealed to be a bad ass (see User's Comments section). John Weiss, rock on. Today is your birthday.

  • Enough! Now I will direct you to this cute illustrated biography of William S. Burroughs!

  • The same guy who did that posed the pertinent question, Was George Washington a HARD ASS?

  • You know you want to Customize your own Grilled Cheese Sandwich, my only question for you is WHAT'S YOUR FREQUENCY, KENNETH.


    KAYAKING IN THE VALLEY OF THE EAGLES
    a "CHILLING" Story of ADVENTURE and DERRING-DO
    (and bruises)


    My bro snapped some photos when my family (sans 2) went kayaking at the Valley of the Eagles over Thanksgivens:



    ABOVE: Here's he and my mom and pop, heading out on the boat to the location of the kayak expedition.

        

    ABOVE: Here's Kelly and me doing the kayak thing.



    ABOVE: And here's my mom and pop also doing that kayak thing. (At the time, it was especially kinda funny for me to see mom kayaking.) Bro Brian, not pictured, was an absolute whiz at kayaking. It was impressive.

    What is not reflected in the photos is the fact that Kelly and I flipped over into the freezing cold water and had to be rescued TWICE, and furthermore, there was a time in between that we fell into the water and needed rescue while attempting to get back into the kayak for the second time. That's a grand total of three accidental drenchings into shock-inducing water and three awkward rescue attempts. The water was really choppy from the wind - it was like rapids, and the captain said that if he'd known it was going to be that bad, he wouldn't have brought us out there. Everyone was having difficulty, but only Kelly and I flipped. And flipped. And flipped. It was completely insane. And pretty embarrassing. Even the rescue attempts were excessively dramatic. There was no ladder on the boat and getting back on board was a serious challenge, and we had to do it THREE TIMES. At one point, the boat almost hit the cliff wall because the captain was freaking out and panicking. Apparently, no one had ever capsized before on this trip. During one rescue attempt, we were having no luck getting dragged by someone else's kayak to the boat, so we just swam the distance. We had to climb up a rock wall to get into the boat. Both of us were pretty bruised and sore. Kelly's actually still sick from a cold she must have gotten from the experience. After each dunking, the captain offered us his dry clothes to change into so we could warm up and go back out. We just kept going through his clothes! If we'd kept on, the poor man would have been naked. No one can say we didn't persevere (or attempt to get a man naked).



    This photo is of us with my mom back on the boat recovering from our three flirtations with death. After this we still had a long COLD several-hour-long drive back to San Antonio in wet clothes. My family stopped off in some crazy Catfish Buffet restaurant in a small Texas town with "Sportsmen for Bush" signs on the door. In an attempt to warm ourselves, we were all decked out in the pieces of camouflage army uniform my father for some reason stashes in the back of his car. Kelly and I started ordering cup after cup of french vanilla cappucino (our insides had really dropped in temperature). The other patrons kept giving us weird looks in the restaurant. Dad said we must look like hippies. If they spotted the insignias on our outfits they probably wondered how we all came to be colonels. My father (because he is a bit of a loon) started spooning up the spilled cappucino from the paper placemat, and everyone laughed, even him. He joked that it must appear to the world that he was senile. It was a good time. On the drive back, crammed and huddled uncomfortably in the backseat with Kelly and my mom, still trying to warm up, I thought to myself : "Gee, Kelly and I must be disaster-prone." Right after that thought, a giant-antlered deer stepped in front of the car. Dad managed to break in time to avoid hitting it. Phew! What a day!


    What if you could respond to George Lucas? Tell it like it is, man. Tell it like it is.

    Quirky Bird is the site for the work of Dylan Meconis, who according to her bio, has had a vestigial fin.

    Panda Cam! YES! It's time to stop dreaming!

    This wasn't what I thought it was: Muppets? (And no, Dan, it's not what you think it is either. *wink*)

    British slang - I would disagree with this person and argue that the word 'arse' exists in America.

    The Guide to Shooting Rubber Bands - um, it's a slow links day.





    My linking is like a scourge!!

    I think I like this completely demented quicktime cartoon, but enough about me, what do you think? : The Dinnerland Gang
    Come on, anything that features a "Mustaardvark" has something going for it.

    I can't technically not link to this site. I think I signed a contract or something at some point. I don't even necessarily like it, I just have to let you know about it. Blame our legal system.
    Grover is Bitter

    Have I already linked to this? Exercise in Style Well, either way, there's new ones to check out. Click on the exercises on the right, and you'll catch the drift.

    If you pledge to NPR, you get this superhero team-up of Ira Glass and Chris Ware shaking their stuff on a DVD. Sometimes the universe puts square pegs into square holes.

    Speaking of Chris Ware, someone named dan has scanned in a comic of his and made it so you can type things into the speech bubbles. Try it!

    It looks like there's a cartoon on Adult Swim that I might really like. Too bad I'll have to wait until it gets to DVD (if it gets to DVD) to actually see it! People better like this cartoon and watch it and make it popular, okay?! I want my DVD!
    The Venture Bros.




    Here's my idea:

    The Greek myth, Jason & the Argonauts, done as a spoof of a Survivoresque reality-tv show.

    Jason could be the host and he'd select the best contestants to be Argonauts. Hercules would join the crew and be like a celebrity guest star. Once the Argonauts were chosen, off they'd sail on their trip to get the Golden Fleece. Along the way, the Gods would give tests and challenges.


    A comic book of Ramayana

    An evil scientist thinks the "Hobbit Woman" is just a human with congenital dwarfism, and has locked up the remains in his stronghold in Yogyakarta and won't let anyone see them. I'm not making this up.

    More on Emperor Norton


                       

    Steam-Men! Steam-Men! Steam-Men!


    Pretty darn interesting: Obey

    Great site informing you of the Robots of Oz

    Adam Ironsides, the Steam Walking Man


    Here are the last 23 headers in case you missed them:

    Welcome to the website that's...

    "planning on getting the will changed so that Henry inherits the Earth, and not the meek!"
    "used as a pesticide in certain rural parts of Cuba - Believe it or Not!"
    "decent enough not to post the photos of you and a pregnant Kermit the Frog, but just wily enough to do so if you miss a payment!"
    "your favorite web-site - just confess it now and save yourself a lot of chinese water torture!"
    "probably made by a guy named Banana. How do I know this? Two words: psychic grandma!"
    "dynamic and powerful, like a steam turbine or something!"
    "prioritized below schoolwork!"
    "shoes. Just shoes."
    "recovering."
    "seeking to undermine your authority by getting everyone to call you Itty-Bitty Nobody Man!"
    "trying to think of a funny one ... and failing!"
    "stating the extremely far-fetched for over one-hundred-and-eighty-three thousand years!"
    "magically delicious, and I mean that literally. I've hired someone to cast real spells so that this website tastes good. Plus, I had to hire an additional wizard to make it so that it was edible in the first place. That's what we call commitment, people!"
    "severely lacking in edutainmental value!"
    "currently in negotiations to be THE leading supplier of tempura to the great state of Indiana!"
    "the only place to get ham!"
    "SLIME!!!"
    "pretty in pink!"
    "not interested in advertising the newest soap flakes!"
    "bio-cryo-genetical!"
    "seen that side of the coach!"
    "gonna git you, sucka (not really)!"
    "a direct result of the British public school system!"





    I just saw the flash animation
    How to Kill a Mockingbird,
    because my friend Danymo recommended it.

    I wasn't expecting much. It completely caught me off guard.

    It's the funniest single internet thing I've seen in thirty years, and I'm not even thirty years old... yet.

    I think it effectively encapsulates everything I'd ever want to express. I don't really know where I go from here. I am aware that: It has now been done. There's something liberating, and also terrifying, realizing that I must now start with a blank slate.

    Where do I go now? What do I do from now on? I am a newborn baby.


      
      

    Australia makes the best animals. Do you dare deny it?


    My Links Provide You With Hijinks!

    At Adobe Books, they shelved all the books by color. Radical, dude.

    I don't know what Robo Force is, but I like some of the robots from here. Click and at least look at them pictures. Funny stuff.



    Everyone loves Magical Trevor - endlessly repeating flash cartoon with a very catchy song.

    A really really well-animated animation of a bunny singing a sad song.


    Hybrid Animals are among us!




    I thought you might enjoy Nate's sales pitch. He says he has not yet been inundated with offers.


    This is excellent. Using your life story as a blueprint, I can now put forth my ultimate plan for world destructation. I'm sure you've heard the "theories" that there is an Inner Earth below the Outer Earth's crust. These so-called "theories" aren't theories at all. They are Scientifical Factoids! I intend to peel the Earth like an orange and get to the edible "fruit" below. Let's bring the Mole People out into the light of day. Or Lava Men, if that's what they are. I'll even settle for gnomes. Whatever. The point is, I am not content to enjoy the treasure chest itself, I want to open the box! Did you ever wonder where diamonds and rubies and GOLDS come from? They come from underground, BELOW the Earth's outer layer. What are we waiting for? Let's plunder those miserly Mole People and their hoards of gold ingots. If you're not with me, then you're a Mole Person. I'm sorry, but that's just how it is. I've got a separate project going where I'm introducing a solution into our planet's water supply that will Mole-ify everyone. Yes, it sounds drastic, but the truth is, I have a great fondness for moles and would much prefer if everyone were to be one. I think I'm doing people a favor actually. In the event that the people of the Inner Earth aren't Mole People, but rather Lava Men or gnomes or something else, then I will go ahead and Mole-ify them too. It's only fair. No need to thank me. One thing you could do though, now that I think about it, is go about orchestrating all the victory parades and inauguration balls once I've declared myself ruler of what's left of the Earth. The truth is I'm going to have my hands full with quite a bit, turning the Earth inside out, making sure everyone's a Mole Person, etc., and it would sure make things easier. I like streamers and if we could go ahead and serve egg-nog, that would be great. I've always liked Prokofiev's "Dance of the Knights" from his Romeo & Juliet. Anyway, just some ideas to start you off with.





    Doing Fine Picture Book - the rest of Eleanor's site will one day be complete and it will be a fine thing, I predict.

    Ali and His Gang vs. Mr. Tooth Decay - a record featuring Muhammad Ali and friends singing about the evils of tooth decay.
    Little known fact: Frank Sinatra was a member of Ali's gang.

    Robots and us - article discusses the difference between Japan and U.S. in regard to ROBOTS.

    Young chimps brighter than human children - Yeah, but at least they don't eat monkeys.

    The Kevin F. Sherry Sweater Project - described as "awe-fu$#@ng-some" by a close associate.

    Those were links. Thus, the links were those. Man, weren't them some links just then? Uh, links just happened. I don't even know why I'm doing this.


    Well, this is fun.

    I was looking up funny pictures of Alf (see below) for a friend of mine when I stumbled upon this funny work of prose.

    It's by a friend of my brothers and she lived in our same suburban San Antonio neighborhood. In fact, we lived on the despicable Wolf Creek of which she speaks!

             
               

    This is the best of what the Internet has to offer in terms of funny Alf pictures, and I am the authority.
    As my friend so observantly pointed out, one of these images is NOT alf! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


    The other morning I invented a song.
    It's titled "Love without Numbers (Is a Modern Game).

    The lyrics of the song are :

    Love without numbers
    Love without numbers
    Love without numbers is a modern game
    Repeat over and over.

    I like it because it really doesn't make sense.

    These are some other songs I made up at some point in my life:

    "My name is Jackson Pollock (And I live inside of your brain)"
    "The Day Your Brain Wore Clothes"
    "Boy, I Wish I Could Be Like You"
    "The Fantastic Monkeys of Chitchichonga"
    "The Elevator Man of Cleveland, Ohio"
    "The Death Star Is Where I Want to Be"


             


    Right click, save, and watch this mpg video of a Transformer dancing.

    ~~~~~~

    Otherwise, I got nothing. I did update my yeti page though. I am a man of action.


    The Evolution of Ghost Depiction





    Originally, ghosts were depicted as looking like regular people, only faded and colorless. They didn't have to conform to gravity and could even be a little bit amorphic.



    Someone thought it would be a nice touch to adorn them with flowing white robes. It made things more imposing and dramatic. That was typically the purpose of a ghost, to be a vision to inspire awe or dread. Anyone seeing a ghost in robes was definitely going to take its portent of doom or ominous warning of betrayal more seriously. Robes that billow and are pallid associate one with smoke, and add credence to the ethereal amorphousness of the phantom.

    Spirit photographers and visual artists could use their mediums to depict ghosts "believably". But to do so live in person was much more of a challenge. It wasn't just actors in theatrical presentations that wanted to portray ghosts. Some just wanted to fool other people into thinking they'd seen one. The main obstacle to the ghost impersonator was due to being familiar with the object of their sport. If they knew the person they intended to "haunt", they couldn't very well show up in their bedroom without being recognized. "Oh, hey Frederick, why are you in my bedroom moaning ominously and giving portents of doom?" See? Doesn't work. Billowing white robes wouldn't even save them from that embarrassment. So a disguise was necessary.



    The white sheet. Simple. Elegant. Effective. Donning a white sheet solved the ghost impersonator's problems. It made one look, for the most part, faded, colorless, and amorphic. It obstructed the view of the legs, thus creating the illusion of floating. It conveyed the grandiosity and spectacle that you get with white robes. And finally, and most importantly, it masked the identity!

    And if the viewer didn't believe the figure in the white sheet was a ghost, perhaps they'd at least suspect there was something otherworldly underneath, causing the sheet to rise.

    The only problem with the white sheet was the ghost impersonator couldn't see.
    Problem solved! Just snip out a couple eye-holes to peer through.



    The annual observation of the Halloween celebration had a significant impact on the history of ghost depiction. Quite naturally, ghosts became associated with the festivities. 'Ghost impersonator' became the easiest and one of the most popular vocations on that particular night. The eye-holed white sheet turned into the mainstay of children in need of a quick guise to participate. And thus, the image of children in such outfitted drapery became emblematic of the time. Strong associations were made.



    We now depict ghosts as symbolized versions of the juvenile impersonators. In the representation, the white sheet has become its form, and the costume's eye-holes are translated into black dots, which appropriately evoke the skull visage. And there is no hesitation to make them cute and cuddly.



    This new manifestation permeated the pop culture. Wherever you look now, the spirits of the dead are depicted as pure-white floating gooey things with black smiley faces.

    Even the eerie moaning (OoooOOoooooOOOOooo) of the lost tortured soul has been transformed and truncated for maximum cheap-scare into a simple, curt child-friendly "BOO!"


    What a strange journey it's been!



    Do I got some crazy links for you today? Hell Yeah I Do! Don't ever let 'em tell ya Crazy Henry don't fricking git you some ACTION FUN TIME YEAH LA! TRUCKERS! GOMER PYLE, LEZBOTS! Let's hear it for the BORGS! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaag, you can call me Gildred.

    The Perry Bible Fellowship - a comic of fine value by a Mr. Gurewitch

    How to Astrally Project - an informative earnest look at the occult procedure

    (Note: On that last one, scroll down for the animation of the Silva Mind Control Method. It's sublime.)


    TAKING IT TO THE STREET

    We all know the opinions of unusual and extraordinary people. But what about everyday people like you? What do they think about things? Well, we here at "Random Things I Write Down" decided to go out to the street where people like you live and ask them a question. Apparently, everyday people like you have a lot to blab about!!

    Today's Question:

    WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE WILL HAPPEN ON JUDGEMENT DAY?

    "The angels will erect giant escalators to take us up to Heaven, but the Devil's devils will cause them to malfunction and we'll all fall to our dooms, but God in His mercy will use quick thinking. He'll take the bold step of turning us into angels so that we won't die and can fly on our angel-wings to Heaven. But the other angels will be very jealous because they had to work pretty damn hard to be angels, not just fall off an escalator. And God will feel bad but won't know what to say. And there will be Resentment."
    Jimadelphia Phantomface,
    private eye

    "I think all the sinners will be rounded up and herded like cattle into pens and we'll watch them fight it out with machetes and oil-wrestle."
    Disembodied Buffalo Head,
    nurse

    "It will involve scissors. Trust me on this. Scissors are the last great tool of Man. They are a wonder. You know, the Bible never saw much past them. Bible scholars should all be pretty baffled right now because technically anything after the advent of scissors shouldn't have even occurred. We're all on borrowed time. Any day now Someone up on High is going to finally notice we've got scissors and be like 'BAM!', Judgement Day Smackdown."
    Edgar Majorson,
    sandwich salesperson

    "I believe nothing will happen. Judgement Day will come and go, and we'll all be left wondering, 'What the heck was that all about? That wasn't worth getting all worked up about.' And we'll all suspect we got Judged, and God just didn't tell us the verdict. And we'll get pretty darn paranoid. And I'll probably kill a man."
    Hooma Doopa G.G. "Snip-Snap" McGregorshaw the IIIIIV,
    systems analyst

    "The Anti-Christ will declare it Christmas, and the prostitutes will be elected as presidents, and all the cats are going to stop caring about their own personal hygiene, and start caring about yours, whining and whining until you finally take a shower. The sewers of the cities will be dug up and turned into museums and they'll only accept hot dogs in exchange for admission. Everyone will have to learn how to trapeze, and there will be no need to wear clothing and my father will wear an Indian headdress and I'll get the dentist to surgically replace my teeth with plastic teeth, and there will be rumbling earthquakes that will wake up mama ,and zombies will fall from the sky, and people will start eating computers, and I'm tired of this game, can I go home now?"
    Dougie Mishma,
    flame-thrower


    This weekend I saw a documentary that showed chimpanzees in the wild hunting and eating monkeys.
    I was surprised. I mean, who knew?

    I guess this means we really shouldn't refer to chimps as "monkeys". It's not just because it's inaccurate. Imagine an alien came to Earth and saw us humans eating breakfast and then went back to their home planet and referred to us as "cheerios". I'm sorry, but we ain't cheerios! Get it right, aliens.

    Okay, maybe it's not the best example.

    ********

    Kelly saw this really funny fortune cookie fortune at Kim Phung:

    Doubt is a beautiful twilight that enhances every object.

    Words to live by, my friends.


        

    My Mother -- Smilin' & Sullen


    Super hero costume contest
    Want more of this kind of thing? I don't blame you!

    Hey Everybody! November 19th is coming up! And I know what I want.

    (What's the significance of November 19th, you ask? Answer: None. I just picked a random day coming up and pretended it was significant so that maybe you'd be buy me a present.)

    This is a news site with articles from the future. I like it.

    What happens when you type swear words into old text adventure games?


    Fun Facts about Henry, written by Henry, using the Third Person:

  • Henry doesn't know anything about any other Zodiac signs except his own. He is a Cancer and knows the symbol for that is the crab. He's actually on the cusp of Cancer, but doesn't even know what the other sign is that he's cusping to!
  • Henry has an autographed photo of Yoda, yes Yoda, hanging in his cubicle at work.
  • He associates himself with the color red, for some reason. This is why he likes the color blue so much. It cools him down.
  • Speaking of colors, he can tell you what color each letter of the alphabet is in his head. For example, 'f' is orange! He can even tell you the reason it's that color, too! (for example, because of the words 'fox' and 'fire')
  • Henry's secret fervent desire is to create an entire pantheon of imaginary deities, and draw them!
  • His favorite drink is probably strawberry lemonade!
  • He has a memory of his third-grade teacher telling him that it's possible to get water out of the palm of one's hand, and that this would come in handy if one were ever stranded in a desert. He believed this factoid until age 13 or so, when he finally stopped, analyzed it, and realized it was totally bogus!
  • He also has a memory of Frankenstein's monster suddenly appearing in his bedroom doorway when he was 3 years old!
  • He doesn't like the word 'pasties' much. He tried to convince Jeremy, who is compiling a list of most despised words, of its lameness, but he failed. The word was rejected from inclusion!
  • Henry really likes African figural art!
  • He had a recurring fantasy that he was shipwrecked when he was a kid!
  • Also that he was naked inside a robot that he controlled, navigating a frozen tundra!
  • One last thing about his childhood: One of his main fears was that he would be zapped by a laser ray that would turn him into a robot (like in Superman 3)! Also, he was scared of fire alarms. Not fire... fire alarms!
  • His favorite food is dim sum, but it probably wouldn't be if he ate it all the time!
  • Did you know dim sum translates to "touching your heart"? Henry didn't know it until this morning!
  • He wishes he knew how to skateboard! But the truth is, if he never did learn how, it wouldn't really bother him too much.







    An oldie but a goodie:
    If Poets Wrote Poems Whose Titles Were Anagrams of Their Names
    The e.e. cummings one is a hoot.

    This guy doodled superheroes on top of newspapers:
    Local Superheroes
    And the results were droll.

    I'm gonna git Kelly to knit me one of these:
    Hallowig
    Then I'm gonna be all perty on Sundies.




    I wish I remember what the story was behind this photo, but man, it's still funny to me.
    Look at those soulful eyes! Such pathos!


    Box Doodle Project

    The secrets of the American Presidency divulged!

    This is a puppet show version of Harry Potter.

    The last two were done by roughly the same person.

    That "person" also did this!





    A figurine of Jim Henson as a Muppet - You know I want one!

    This story of Churchill's parrot is probably a hoax, but it's still kinda funny.

    Tentacles of Desire - The man who loved cephalapods





    Carole recommends this comedian and his work: Demetri Martin
    I do too.

    You can learn more about him from an NPR interview.

    His web-site's pretty spare.

    I suggest, however, that you go to it and at least click on New Things and then A Poem, and then read both of those. Whoah!





    Giant Squids are Taking Over the World

    It's official - the platypus is weird

    him name is hopkin green frog

    Road Blocks - it's a fun game.

    Huh - I went to see this movie in Austin that was made by kids who reshot Indiana Jones. Vanity Fair wrote a big article (scroll to pg. 6). Now they're making the story behind it into a movie, and it was recently announced that it's going to be called Backyard Resistance and will be penned by Daniel Clowes! Say wha?!





    Because you're never too old for links.

    Allow to Infuse - it's a site with unique comics and animations.

    Even when done entirely with legos, Episode III (qtime mov) is still bad. But I know I prefer this version. Boba Fett makes an appearance! I hope the venerable Mr. George Lucas is watching! ;)

    Qrime - it's a flash art site.


    What is 'Robot Performing'?

    The concept covers two disciplines:
  • Moving with a mechanical motion.
  • Standing motionless for long periods of time.

    The Second Discipline refers to people who act like mannequins or living statues. But what I want to focus on are those that follow the First Discipline. Here's some attributes:

  • They wear costumes that look like robots, such as silver overalls or custom-made armored suits.
  • Their face is typically not visible.
  • At events, they walk about, interact with the audience, and use gestures and pre-recorded sound effects in their act.
  • They sometimes incorporate the skills of the Second Discipline, standing perfectly still until someone interacts with them, and then they start doing the Robot, much to everyone's delight.

    Examples include:

             
    Electra, Primo, and then Primo again

             
    Arbie, Ant-E-Statik, and then Ant-E-Statik again

             
    Mr. Silver, The Thing, and Zios

    Look out for them entertaining the masses on the street! Or be proactive and book them for your party or social gathering, exhibition, or event!

    Robotronix has a home-page that is worth checking out.


    Um, a comic from Tom Karlsson.

    How about Dan Clowes doing a commercial for Apple, directed by Errol Morris?

    Otherwise, I got nothin.




    Henry! What can you tell me about the exciting new hominid for us folks left in the dark? Enquiring minds like those possessed by your readers want to know.

    I'm glad you asked.
  • On the Indonesian island of Flores, they've found the fossil remains of at least seven of the diminutive people. This means the hominid discovery is not a one-of-a-kind mutant freak.
  • They've also found their tools.
  • They're hominids because of their small canine teeth and skull shape.

    This is what we know at this point:
  • They had long arms and heads the size of grapefruits.
  • The hominid probably hunted Stegodon, which is another way of saying pygmy elephant. I think this means the elephants were really small (and probably adorable).
  • On the island with them were also giant rat-dogs, crazy-big lizards, and super-sized tortoises.
  • Relevant factoid?: The local inhabitants of Flores today talk of little people that live in the forests. They call them the Ebu Gogo, and describe them as "murmuring" and capable of repeating what you say to them in parrot-like fashion!
  • Could these miniature yetis still be alive today?!

    So far, the hominid has the following names (a significant percentage of which I made up for the purpose of entertainment):
  • Homo floresiensis
  • LB1 (the cave the skeletons were found in is called Liang Bua)
  • The Little Lady of Flores
  • Hobbit
  • Mini-Man
  • Neandwarfal
  • The Murmurer
  • Flores Man
  • Littlefoot
  • Shortsquatch
  • Prehistoric Pygmy
  • Lil' Homey
  • Personally, I like Ebu Gogo... Let's call 'em that!

    An article about the Mini-Man

    Some interesting points raised in the article:
  • Our ancestors successfully killed off all our close relatives.
  • This is why there's such a chasm between us and other animals.
  • It was a big enough gap that our religions didn't even acknowledge our relation to them.
  • In conclusion, humans have souls and animals don't, and humans eradicated any ambiguously-souled animals to ensure and protect their own souls.

  • We may end up meeting still-living Mini-People.
  • They may be hiding out on the Isle of Flores.
  • They may be able to speak.
  • They may have been put on this Earth by Satan to test us.
  • That last one is completely absurd.
  • If we call them "Hobbits", they may get offended.
  • We shouldn't call them "Hobbits" anyway; that's not very accurate. They're too hairy.
  • Might I suggest... "Apelings"?
  • I'm kidding.
  • Anyway, if they are still alive, it will be like we finally encountered aliens! You know?
  • Inter-terrestrials?!


    UPDATE: J.R. got 22% of the vote in his district! That's amazing! It could be a record for an Independent in Texas. Congratulations, J.R


    GO MY FRIEND J.R.!





    I've archived the first eight of these. You can find them here:





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