I have an injured toe. So I can't go to kung fu class. Not unless my special move was called "Blood to the Face". But actually more like "Stand Without Moving Legs". Or "Pillar of Strength". Or more like "Sit On Sidelines".... or how about "The Presence"?... which involves sending out vibes of violence and winning just by being in the room.
The B. Man suggests cutting off one of his toes and giving it to me to replace mine. He says he's got ten and that's plenty to spare. I point out that what I really need is a big toe and he's only got two of those. Also, I would need the right-foot big toe, and he's only got one, so... It does occur to me, however, that we can cut off one of his smaller toes and see if it grows when you put it in a glass of water. B. says he's up for trying that. I say that I think he should try it and that I support him in this and I would even refuse to accept the toe even if the experiment worked and they had the technology to replace my current damaged one. He says no problem, agrees to do it, and explains that it would be an homage to the film, the Big Lebowski. I offer the idea of maybe getting Alamo Drafthouse to plan a screening around that. He suggests having them project it onto his face while he is cutting off his toe. He worries about the difficulties the audience might have in viewing such a small area of screen (his face). I suggest that insects be invited to attend. They'd be small enough to view it. He thinks that's a good idea, pointing out that bugs are an untapped demographic. They've been around so long they're probably really wealthy. I agree, pointing out that they probably have inherited a lot from the dinosaurs. When the dinosaurs went extinct, I explain, they must have willed their possessions (gold, what have you) to someone, right? It surely wasn't the mammals. Insects gotta be the inheritors. There were tons of insects back in the dinosaur times. They were even around before the dinosaurs, around forever. Even during the molten times. I remind B. of the Lava Bug. Yeah, B. says, the Lava Bug Rocks. I concur. I notify him that the Lava Bug changed its name and we now know it as... the beetle. B. points out that it's good that they changed their image, and we discuss how important that is, especially when you've been around as long as the bugs and don't want to repeat yourself. We agree that humans, for example, don't need to change their image because they really haven't been around very much, just a blip, really. B. points out that insects have so many years of experience. They have so much wisdom. Yeah, I say, you really don't have the wisdom unless you have the wisdom that comes from eons. Humans just aren't catching on. I point out that insects can understand humans, but humans can't understand bugs. That's why the Big Lebowski screening will work out. B. says that the reason we have cockroaches in our houses is because they are trying to help us out, give us messages, to improve ourselves. I say, yeah, that's really pro-active of the roaches, getting in there and giving their message to the humans, right in their own homes, not like the other bugs, like the bees, just buzzing when they meet us outside. This is what we decided: The messages of the roaches are... Don't go killing each other. And most mysteriously... Don't sing so much. We as humans still don't know what this latter one is supposed to mean, but we assume the insect kingdom knows what it's talking about, and time will tell. B. and I agree to write a musical entitled "The Last Musical" about the insects finally getting their message through, and at the very end of the musical, the humans finally understand and stop their singing, and there is never another musical ever, and our musical literally becomes the last musical... EVER.
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