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"Acid rain is a major problem of pandemic proportions facing us as Americans and as employees of large retail market chains. I suggest eating foods as deliciously as they come. Have you heard of creme brule? [No known spelling - ed.] Well, now they make creme broulle ice cream. It's to die for, and now includes rainbow sprinkles if you think to put them on. Also, eat items rich in yumminess. Ask your restaurant attendant for his/her recommendations. There is now a new sandwich that has at least two of the following three conjoined: cookies, ice cream, and chocolate. Avoid caramel as I read somewhere that it doesn't taste very good and is made with plums (ihchhlk!) [No known spelling. - ed.]. Acid rain is a menace and not to be trusted, so eat the best stuff your taste buds like." |
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"Run screaming for the hills. Run, run, run. Run like you've never thought of what it means to run. Run down; run up. Run around; run through. Don't stop with the running. As you run, say the word 'run' to yourself over and over in your mind until it has lost all meaning. Then determine a new word for 'run'. Examples include plorg, shniss, and pelve. Note: Using any of these words is cheating (Ummmmummmmummm!). Create this new word so that you can repeat it to yourself until it loses all meaning yet again. Repeat this exact process, coining new words each time, until you reach the hills. An average number of new words generated from this would be about eight. If you are hitting fifteen, something's wrong. Stop, turn back, and let the acid come and burn you down to nothing. This is how lessons are learned and plastic surgeons make ends meet." |
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"I don't know enough about the topic to say for sure, but the first thing I would do is get all of the scientists that study rain and put them in a box and seal it with a clever riddle-lock that only the cleverest of them will solve. This person will then be selected to sit in the lap of his/her favorite astronaut on a manned flight into outer space to take a closer look at the acid rain. I'm sure the secret to the acid rain is up there, mocking us from afar. Then it will be back down to China where the Chinese will have a special aerodynamic house ready, warm and waiting. It will be next to a meadow with a rainbasin in it. The rainbasin will collect the acid rain, and the scientist will be made to swim in it, thereby proving my theories on immortality. With the glory and fame I receive, I promise to set up acid rain victim sanctuaries as soon as I do about five other things, and I swear on a stack of Bibles my team of crack sled dogs will cure leprosy by 2019. Let's begin." |
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"Acid rain is a myth told by grandchildren to their grandparents to scare them into giving them rides to swimming practice. I used to use it on Gramps all the time and I never missed a meet." |
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"For a cup of milk, try mixing 4 pounds of carrot with 1 eye-dropper's worth of Protein B extract. Use a big heavy blocky thing to get the "trails" out. When you're done, sift mentally. A great souffle is made with care, so don't, on a whim, use it for fertilizer or add celery. Under no condition should you invent shampoo and then claim it is some brand new revolutionary way to clean one's hair. It's not. For the best soil flakes, stir slowly over a period of 2 seconds a mixture of your choice of dairy creamer and the part of the corn that no one has yet discovered, that which I call the '"sapplouchous'. Put the venom in the oven. Remove the oven and give it to a neighbor but tell them it's your button collection. If they don't laugh, hit them up for cash. Yes, I am the same person who answered you before and gave directions on how to run. I am a master of disguise." |
