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I was feeling like Nostradamus yesterday:
why dig
behold the last passing of the sun of sin
withholding under my prestigious aims
fortune's wary of the divine wrath stone.
an argument's membrane secures only in peace.
it's a sin, said the actor , and none but the fools carry the gold.
and through my eyes i cast out the face of wings
as actual as a walk in the night
under white capped waves.
my wit is hunger
my end time is fed
by the wishes of hags
of the bats in the stews
and of enigmas wrought from shepherds' toil.
down in the ivory iron cottages,
far back waiting spines for slow sweet
hand-over-hand instruction
lying perforated as it is hemmed
a not castle
broken by the teething men who
by writ and law are not given tongues
are not given hands
who won't give purchase to your calls and cravings.
as it is the stone as it is made
the ever-melting cones emote villainy and cowardice
i am sick and saddened
marooned by schools of fish
out here stating these flat corner plans
humbled by the gray numb
i wear the red splash as a vote for animals
and practice in decay.
he says, son
you've got to sail
into the well.
CAVEAT
Late at night, the chemists make
a mixture of a thin, opaque
goo from somewhere, and a steak
from some strange beast fetched from the lake
and then they add a pinch, a flake
off the skin of a half man/snake.
Within small bowls, they mix and shake
and just to keep themselves awake,
pretend to taste some; It's all fake.
For no one would even dare partake
in what they've made and plan to bake
To do so would be a grave mistake
and I give warning for your sake:
Do not eat the mating cake.
RECEIVE MY BOON
cull a gift from the treasury, sir
You shall have thy weight in concubines
And if your lordshipness declines
I'll have you fitted with bovines.
I'll strap you to their great behinds
And watch as your new suit confines.
The view of you with cows combines
to make me want to erect shrines
The sight, with no doubt, far outshines
the gods' attempts at set designs.
If so inclined, you can wear swines.
We dipped them in fermented wines
Be mindful of their sweat - it blinds
You'd rather have the concubines?
Oh please consider changing minds.
Remember there are other kinds
of animals our tailor finds.
How about some porcupines?
Twas a night such as this with the water all still
And the cold wind so cutting that your bones feel the chill
On Widow's Pillows, near the Cape of Luncumber
The crew of Red William endeavored to slumber
'Fore the Sandman could start to dispense his supply
The night air be punctured by a terrible cry
Brooding over the prow was a dark plum-red cloud
It be what which is known as a "shrieking spectral shroud"
Now the Shroud is a ghost and a vile one at that
It can swallow you whole and spit out your fat
It hungers for flesh, it'll settle for souls
Your mind's made its slave which it cruelly controls
Now a pirate is fearless when it comes to most things
Like the thunder of cannons or the threats of daft kings
He's not scared of a tussle, a row, or a brawl
The noose, or a knife edge, or a nasty black squall
But as soon as there's something supernatural or ghastly
You can bet he'll be screaming and fleeing quite fastly
And this night's no exception to that one simple rule
For when the men eyed the Shroud, not a one kept his cool
Some jumped overboard, which is not very wise
For the sharks known to eat you 'fore you says yer good-byes
Others climbed to the crow's nest - This I don't recommend
For if harpies assault you, it be hard to defend
There's not a thing to be done 'cept to run 'round and whoop
Wave your arms to-and-fro, and act like a big doop
Go ahead panic, make ruckus, lose all composure
Be aware that your life's due for imminent closure
So most of the pirates in a very small area
Flipped out, went daffy, and succumbed to hysteria
But there was one on-board that was brave and undaunted
Who remained unfazed when the ship became haunted
She was a lovely lass who went by the name Esther
And when it came to ghost-catchin', there was none who could best her
She could exorcize, ensorcel, as well as ensnare
Hoodwink and hornswoggle even the Scariest Scare
Head on she faced this phantasmic force
Its frightful shriek contained not a hint of remorse
And while all around her raged the mad pirate mob
Esther just stood there and appraised the big blob
She calmly said, "Pardon me, Mr. Shroud, sir
I think that the Captain and I would prefer
That you found a new ship to plague and pursue
Please take your leave... You're blocking our view"
After saying these words she lifted her hands,
And traced mystic sigils no one understands
She muttered some things to make her spell complete
And -Poof!- The Shroud vanished with one final bleat
"All's clear! The nightmare's gone!", Ms. Esther said
Then she bid them good night and went back to bed
No pirate noticed of course due to the din
It took until dawn for her words to sink in
For the rest of the night, the crew of Red Willy
Ran around scared and acted quite silly
Despite this loud bedlam and raising of hell
Esther still managed to sleep rather well
When they saw that the spectre had been sent away
The pirates gave out a big, "Hip! Hip! Hooray!"
"I am happy to help", Ester said with a bow
Now could everyone please wash themselves now?"
That's the thing about Essie, she liked everything clean
But nobody minded maintaining their hygiene
For with Esther around there was nothing to fear
She made the Main safe for every single Buccaneer!
Coded Descriptions of Exalted Volunteers (friends?)
Sinker of Worlds --
She is a Sinker of Worlds. A custodian of floodgates that, once opened, cause large quantities of liquid, presumably water, to soak the earth(s). Noah and her got a bone to pick with each other, this I tell you. Their enmity is ancient. Whose side is God on?
Fool of Habit --
Dexterous with the use of the jackknife and penny-shears, the Fool of Habit is no mean adversary in games of sidewalk appraisal. He has a coat of many tongues, and they do wag when the wry occasion incites him.
Mr. Greenfudge --
An article of green fudge inspires the name. His color is that of mud, however - confectionery mud. He's sharply dressed as always, with crisp hair and fine teeth. The signs of Mr. Greenfudge are the thumbs up, the wink, the air of open benevolence, the jovial wallop. Welcome his coming, not his going. Rest easy knowing, "Ah, here's a man," and thinking, "I don't really have to try."
Swaggering Jewel --
For the Swaggering or Stammering Jewel, it is polite to stare. On Sundays, he goes out washing. And he always has the cleanest trunks of the bunch.
Unforgotten Prophet --
Pickled and tarred, with a belly full of sand and sun - this is a wild fond one. In days before, you laughed at follies, shared a cloak. Fellow Guisemate, Rusewearer. Good times.
Bunny, Rabbit, Moose --
Hard not to like the cheery gray, the white bedazzled awkward eyes. It was the sight of sameness that comforted and stabilized. It was the same with difference. Off he hopped with wrong sword drawn. He didn't save your life, but you don't mind.
Burnt and Wet --
Smarter than whipcracks, this is Burnt and Wet. His whole head blazes, so I think. A beacon? An idol? Care to make a wager? Skirting along his trail to the breach and brink is a sure-fire way to wealth. Blinding pig sweat, unfortunately - now there's a caveat.
Kindred Sad Sack --
She's in the coven, the Kindred Sad Sack, donning her glorious fury gloves. Hers is the joy of the false antipathy. She whispers death to faded lines, points a clawed happy finger to Heaven or Hell, marries herself to rocks, and never curses. She gets your jokes.
I wrote this poem in response to Kelly's library woes...
Woe be unto thee, O library
For thou art but a lair of villainy
Twas in thy halls I did obtaineth
The tomes I wanted to retaineth
Renew I tried, but could not forsooth
For thou art vile and most uncouth
The three weeks that thou hath allotted
For a patron to have a tome she gotted
Is measly, meager, paltry, base
I curse at thee, O booky place
I wrote Kelly a poem long ago in response to her telling me I was contradicting myself a lot...
"I've got no ears.
No wait, I do."
Henry mumbled as he tied his shoe.
"I am so hungry!" Henry said
when he'd just had dinner and been overfed.
"I don't like peas
but I must conclude
that peas no doubt are my favorite food."
Just how many plums did he buy at the store?
Three, he'll say, but later say four.
"My mother is a pirate,
and my father's Sigmund Freud!"
but later he will say that they are both unemployed.
Henry claims his eyes are "hazel", or some such.
but his eyes are dull brown and he's admitted as much.
After the game was played and homeward went all,
Henry stayed in the stands and yelled out, "Play ball!"
"It was a loss", he'll say. "No, a victory."
That Henry is so contradictory!
To which Kelly replied...
My friend Henry always states
That this is that and then negates
And says that, in fact, that is this -
How contradictory he is!
When he goes to buy some plums
He’s not so very good with sums
He’ll tell you that he bought just four
And later that he purchased more.
He’ll call peas the best comestible
And later say they’re indigestible
He might say that the soup is good
Then later state it tastes like wood
He’ll wake right up then take a nap
Yes, Henry is a curious chap
But when it comes to friends you’ll find
That Henry is consistently kind
He’d never throw a stick or stone
He’ll call you on the telephone
If you’re broke, he’ll give you a dime
And sing you a hug in 4/4 time
He’ll send you yummy things to read
And do all kinds of friendly deeds
Why, Henry isn’t contradictory
He’s absowondermarvegory!
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