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Recently I revealed to you our glorious robotic future in a piece I wrote for this web page (found here). And some of you took exception, sending me letters telling me that I am a buffoon and a roustabout. I've thrown all of them away because they offended me, but three of them I kept. I actually think the authors of these letters make some decent points. I've included their names though so you could look them up and soundly beat them with an instrument of violence of your choosing. I recommend the chijiriki, a Japanese spear and chain combo. I tolerate no transgressions in matters of decorum. My followers know this. Now on with the reader feedback.

Here is the first letter:
Dear Mr. I don't know your name "The Robots Are Coming! The Robots Are Coming!" whoever you are,

        I don't mean to be snarky, but it seems to me you are acting the role of Paul Revere. If you'll recall from your history web-sites, there were no Russians at all in Mr. Revere's Colonial environs. They never came and Revere was imprisoned for onanism. If my point isn't clear, perhaps this will elucidate:

You Are Like the Boy Who Never Cried Like a Wolf.

        Because, you see, wolves don't have tear ducts. And if you paid attention in P.E., you'd know that. No, robots aren't coming, and I'll tell you why: We don't need them. We have something far better.

Ghosts.

That's right, the spirits of the deceased. I believe they are the future. Here's why:

They don't need to be programmed.
They already have a relationship to us (if they knew us when they were alive).
They can get jobs done with "deadly" accuracy. Hehehe.

That last one is a bit of a funny joke.

You wrote that you think robots are going to do all these many things. Well, I think they won't. So there. Nyah.

        Furthermore, you imply that people are lazy and that's why people need robots, and I agree completely. But robots need to be made. And there is no one out there not lazy enough to make them. So therefore, no robots will ever be made. Ghosts, on the other hand, do not require assemblage. People will have to die, however. That is an unfortunate side effect, and one that I can't see as avoidable. The good news is people who are alive can continue to be lazy until they die, and then afterwards they will have to work as indentured servants or slaves for the living as ghosts. I for one intend to avoid this altogether by making a ghost prevent my death from every happening. Yes, ghosts can do this! I'd like to see one of your precious robots do that!

Signed,

Caramel Eddy

Thanks, Ed, for your incredibly stupid comments. I had a laugh and then I went to the bar and drank myself silly and then I threw up. A night to remember. Listen, Ed: You want to see a robot protect a person from death? How about this? A miniaturized robot inside a person's chest stimulates or regulates contractions of the heart! That's possible in the world of robots, and it can save a person's life and prolong it! So your whole argument is moot. And I reject it into the ether! On to the next reader:

Hi, Wanted to say aloha from hawaii. my name is Sherry Oatens and i'm not in hawaii so i can't.

I think you should be aware that there is a new technolgy that will take over our lives in the future (beside the robot). it is called Virtual Reality (V.R.) and everybody will be in it. We will all be interacting with everything in it. we will all be wearing the googles to see in the virutal world. This means we will not be interacting with the Real Reality (R.R.) or anything in it. We will be outside of it, inside the virtual googles. This is what i suggest and i have written over 100 enemint scientists to get them to importent it................... THERE NEEDS TO MAKE THE ROBOTS DO ALL THE INTERACING WITH EVERYTHING R.R. WHILE WE ARE AWAY.

because we are not in R.R. but in V.R. robots do our lives.

please become a scientis so that you can make this and we can get the award money i need to be in hawaii. alaho,

Debbie

Well, Debbie, I don't quite know what to make of your letter. It appears you are suggesting that robots can be used to lead our lives for us while we are distracted in the virtual reality world of our own creation. That, in effect, the real world will become the "robot world", and we will, in some sense, cease to exist, except in our own minds. That sounds like bad science fiction, Debbie, and judging by your grasp of spelling and writing, I'd wager you're about 49 years old and living in Tuscany, Italy. Am I right? I've always been good at being psychic. I appreciate your comments, little one, and hope you'll keep reading the site. I also hope you'll get to Hawaii some day and that you do realize that you're completely off-track and don't know what you're talking about. Stick to something you know about (my psychic voice is telling me it's house-plants) and not robots, which are really more for the rich (which you clearly aren't, otherwise you'd be in Hawaii by now). Enough with you.
And finally...

Dear Sir or Madam of Whom It May Concern,

You stated in your recently read-by-me post that robots are going to be ubiquitous and "uni-functional". I am excited about this, but one thing alarms me. You indicate that only the rich people will get the big amounts of robots to fully experience the robot world and robot's helpful aid. Poor people, on the other hand, will have to settle for the ones set up by philanthropic rich people in public places. I myself am rich and have nothing to worry about, but the rest of my family, including the wife and kids, are poor. How do I stop them from envying me and all the robots I intend to fully surround myself with? How do I get their grubby pauper's hands off my magic machines?

Yours in wealth,

Poppy Stenton, "the hobo king of the railways"

It is an honor to hear from you, your highness. Rest assured that all robots will be personally guarded by other robots to block the poor. Robots in the future will be able to stand in certain doorways and will be given the uni-functional capability of detecting metal in hidden possession on the persons of people who cross the threshold. It's really amazing stuff and it's going to revolutionize certain high schools, airports, libraries, and many federal buildings. Again, I am truly pleased to receive your letter. Give my best as well as my pity to your wife and children. You are a great, great man. I hope your riches are still intact when the robots come. And please complement your attacker on his chijiriki. Those things are hard to come by.

So what do you think about that? Maybe three of my readers aren't complete no-brains. Maybe some of them deserve the future that awaits us all - The FUTURE with the ROBOTS!


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