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A lot of you have probably noticed and enjoyed the part by the title up above that changes daily. Here's a recap of what you might have missed:

Welcome to the website that's...

"property of one 'Mr. Monkeypants'!"
"the other half of the battle!"
"one part vermouth!"
"really making me hungry right now!"
"a love letter to all my fans!"
"hung like a cheetah!"
"*Hey Everbody I AM A HACKR This sit Has BEEN HAKKD! -byTrue1NiNjA***"
"thin at one end; much, much thicker in the middle and then thin again at the far end. That is the theory that I have and which is mine and what it is, too!"
"an exercise in duplicity, whatever the hell that means!"
"a Practical Man's Guide to Getting All the Ladies!"
"a thorn in the side of America!"
"not a good substitute for catching up with Henry!"
"worshipped like a god by the modern peoples of Tuscany!"
"funny in the tummy!"
"endorsed by debutantes!"
"chillin' like a villain!"
"making the trains run on time!"
"like a ride on a 'Roller Stokester (TM)'!"
"durned tommyrot!"
"run entirely by robots... ahem, NAKED robots!"
"hung over from last night's drunken revelry!"
"a way for Henry to apologize for his various scandalous activities on the television!"
"providing a valuable service to the community... and beyond!"
"considered financial sanctuary for the wealthier members of the artificial chicken persuasion!"
"a terrible source of fiber!"
"hankerin' for a hunka cheese!"
"been translated into Klingon by a bunch of big dorks!"
"made out of cheese!"
"also a bed and breakfast!"
"sticking it to the Russians!"
"a way for its author to prey on the innocent!"
"the Copulation Station!"
"so amazing ya'll are really interested in sending me money! Am I right, folks? YES!"
"pining for the fjords!"
"hobbit-forming!"
"a little slice of pizza!"
"proudly regarded as officially unclassified by the U.S. Government since its inception!"
"one hundred thousand million billion years young!"
"found in all living things!"
"lava under the bridge!"
"possibly the greatest resource the world has ever known!"
"making Nate laugh like a wheat-filled marsupialoid!"
"a manifesto for the confused!"
"an elicitor of much vehemence!"
"Umberto Ecco's bedpan!"
"part of a vast conspiracy to convince you the potatoes are ready!"
"not an indication that Henry's life or mind is vaster, richer, or more unknowable than you might have otherwise thought!"
"a bugger of a conundrum!"
"a good basic introduction to quantum mechanical theory!"
"dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb!"
"the sum entirety of the universe, only you're not smart enough to understand how!"
"the last will and testament to a great many people, a number of which you know intimately!"
"my name. Don't wear it out!"
"rubber, and you're glue!"
"Starscream in distress, or Starscream in a dress, you pick!"
"an official sponsor of the 1991 Soul Games!"
"really great and I read it every day, I love it, and my name is Jimmy Carter. Yes, that Jimmy Carter!"
"hell-wrought in fury!"
"possessed with malevolent detachment!"
"got the boils!"
"won so many awards I'm hesitant to count them as I would no doubt go blind and mad!"
"got your modems!"
"a deep well of shame!"
"set to explode in 5 seconds!"
"takin' French Leave!"
"partisan politics as usual (YAWN)!"
"your one-stop mop shop!"
"outfitted with all the latest nanotechnologies! Yeah ,you heard me!"
"wishing you a happy Electricians' Day!"
"sunk to a new low!"
"made by leprechauns under the direction of a magic unicorn!"
"catering to your every whim!"
"part doomsday device, part liquid sandwich!"
"emitting the pleasantest of odors!"
"hard-edged and thick-skulled!"
"the last of the mohicans!"
"a gathering place for hippies and the like!"
"MISTER website to you!"
"a little weary of the popularity of monkeys!"
"what Paul Revere would have wanted!"
"MATHMAN. MATHMAN."
"grody to the max!"
"responsible for most of the world's farts!"
"sippin' on gin and juice!"
"just messed with the Juggernaut!"
"in need of more sweet, sweet jack-o-lantern!"
"having an existential crisis?!"
"basically my idea of what constitutes excellence!"
"sick, I tell you, sick!"
"coveting your neighbor's wife's sister's dog's trainer's cousin's shoes!"
"smelling of elderberries!"
"sponsored by 'Tittie McChesterton's Fine Eaterie & Bar' ^TM , where 'all your food is served by women!' ^TM"
"whatevs!"
"abysmally confused!"
"mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence!"
"covered in bunyons!"
"an anagram for 'wombat itches, towels teethe'!"
"a nonsensical rebuttal to all things preternatural!"
"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"currently dating Marisa Tomei!"
"proud to be honorarily Finnish!"
"deceptively simple in its execution!"
"pushing the envelope... into the mail-slot!"
"fashioning a make-shift hand-grenade out of a piece of wax, a shoelace, and maybe, just maybe, a little piece of hope!"
"currently in training to fight bird and/or lizard-headed people in intergalactic gladiatorial contests of valor!"
"known also by its code-name, Project: Omega Mega!"
"unapologetically unconcerned with maintaining any sort of consistent level of quality!"
"vegetably deficient!"
"bonding over a lukewarm glass of lemonade!"
"PREPARED FOR INTERSTELLAR TRAVEL!"
"harnessing the power of the Orca, thank goodness!"
"where hydrogen is built into helium at a temperature of millions of degrees!"
"a place where people can exchange personal information about each other in confidence!"
"been an active member of MENSA... not at any point!"
"not very well named... I mean, none of the things are 'Random', are they? What was I thinking?!"
"emblazoned with red-hot fury!"
"your best friend... How sad is that?!"
"patting you on the back condescendingly!"
"sunk your battleship!"
"bringing entirely new meaning to the word 'cry-apple'!"
"got property of the zoo stamped on it!"
"making it seem like you're catching up with Henry, but if you were to actually take stock, it's just goofy links you probably won't click on!"
"got a secret crush on salon.com!"
"on hiatus? Sorry, folks!"
"some kind of fungal growth!"
"a certified sexual surrogate!"
"NOT actually eating bacon in the photographs. That was for the sake of the narrative!"
"vain and high-tempered, with a tendency towards physical beauty!"
"a whole lotta nuthin goin on!"
"rockin' you with a Taste of the Seventies!"
"dum-dum-DUM!"
"he as you are he as you are me and we are all together!"
"the Russian's secret weapon against us!"
"tending the garden that is our friendship!"
"built a giant death-ray aimed directly at Earth!"
"now aware that opium IS a narcotic!"
"reluctantly crouched at the starting line!"
"mildly embarrassed by the number of orgasms it gives!"
"revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night!"
"one of your mold creatures; one which has been bidden by me to destroy this plane of existence!"
"all prettied-up in one of them girly-dresses!"
"more fun than a barrel. And no, not one full of monkeys... just a barrel!"
"ashamed of what it is willing to do for the sake of the narrative!"
"everyday people!"
"planning on getting the will changed so that Henry inherits the Earth, and not the meek!"
"used as a pesticide in certain rural parts of Cuba - Believe it or Not!"
"decent enough not to post the photos of you and a pregnant Kermit the Frog, but just wily enough to do so if you miss a payment!"
"your favorite web-site - just confess it now and save yourself a lot of chinese water torture!"
"probably made by a guy named Banana. How do I know this? Two words: psychic grandma!"
"dynamic and powerful, like a steam turbine or something!"
"prioritized below schoolwork!"
"shoes. Just shoes."
"recovering."
"seeking to undermine your authority by getting everyone to call you Itty-Bitty Nobody Man!"
"trying to think of a funny one ... and failing!"
"stating the extremely far-fetched for over one-hundred-and-eighty-three thousand years!"
"magically delicious, and I mean that literally. I've hired someone to cast real spells so that this website tastes good. Plus, I had to hire an additional wizard to make it so that it was edible in the first place. That's what we call commitment, people!"
"severely lacking in edutainmental value!"
"currently in negotiations to be THE leading supplier of tempura to the great state of Indiana!"
"the only place to get ham!"
"SLIME!!!"
"pretty in pink!"
"not interested in advertising the newest soap flakes!"
"bio-cryo-genetical!"
"seen that side of the coach!"
"gonna git you, sucka (not really)!"
"a direct result of the British public school system!"
"not sure if it should be embarrassed by its contents!"
"remaining firmly uncommitted to anything but Henry!"
"mortified by your persistent refusal to unclothe yourself of the vulgar bellbottoms!"
"built like a brick-house, and no denyin'!"
"pronounced with a UMPTY!"
"pleased to inform you that I've been delighted to share neurological experiences with the world, with the medical people, and with non-medical people!"
"tactfully suggesting you look into the wonderful world of prosthetics!"
"Henryrotic!"
"a treatise on international labor disputes."
"the hottest coolest time in Texas!"
"got Property of the Zoo stamped on it!"
"a big fan of corn-nuts! Mmmmm yeah, corn-nuts!!"
"now required reading in penitentiaries throughout the Northwest and Canada!"
"livin' la vida JOKE-a!"
"elegant, yet approachable; peppery with a cherry aroma and hints of chocolate, rounded out by a great balance of oak & tannins!"
"taking advantage of the season and getting its eggnog on!"
"the 'King of Pretendoland', Brennan supposes!"
"a kind, caring, sunshiny place for good clean family TERROR!"
"the Evil Beast Of A Thousand Bodies!"
"not fond of the taste of wasabi, no, not one bit!"
"got a broken face!"
"fastly becoming America's favorite kidnapping victim!"
"free from the antiplasmic lattice!"
"pock-marked with acne scars!"
"never going to stop laughing at the Great God, Pan - no matter the consequences!"
"suddenly become sentient, its first act the construction of a pair of robot legs which it employs to run amok through the unsuspecting streets of Toledo!"
"coin-operated for your coin-venience!"
"your preferred purveyor of prurience!"
"a little lot like a dingitty dot dang a doo bang shuppa kuppa mop face elevator wonder mint!"
"hoping to seduce you with its charming and patented droopy-eyed stare!"
"the classic story of boy builds robot, boy loves robot, robot becomes sentient, robot destroys boy, robot falls in love with boy, but boy is dead, robot despondently ejects self into space where it can be lonely forever... classic!"
"humbled by your ginormous elbows!"
"last one there, and ergo, embraces its identity as a rotten egg wholeheartedly!"
"less a fan of Forrest Gump than you are!"
"brought to you by Henry's Mouth!"
"bedraggled!"
"really not for those using dial-up!"
"one of the known aliases of the notorious exotic bird impersonator Cardinal A.J. Packinspack!"
"willing to stoop as far as posting candid swimsuit photos of the rich and famous just to increase readership!"
"the story of, that's the glory of, that's the story of looooove!"
"your ticket to the exhilarating purifying roller coaster ride that is Esperanto!"
"thinking of changing its name to Doctor Broccoli's Vegetablarium!"
"your cure for the pancake!"
"the birthplace of the guy who is considered a pioneer in egg replacement technology!"
"shirking its duties as the one-and-only DISPENSER OF SOUL-CANDY!"
"goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!"
"Chelsea Clinton's homepage, or at least it aspires to be!"
"gotta be kidding me!"
"the diseased goat offering to Satan that was soundly dismissed by the Dark Prince and now I'm royally screwed!"
"too ill to prosecute the great Oom!"
"deliberately wasting your time!"
"brainwashed by the liberal media into thinking the use of any form of undergarment for its intended purpose is 'hip' and 'cool'!"
"bedfellows with the proletariat!"
"aware of the fact that it's your hero; also, everything you would like to be; furthermore, it knows that you can fly higher than an eagle, for it is the wind beneath your wings!"
"all about the reality!"
"for jokes without number!"
"goin' around breaking young girls' hearts!"
"the 'jottings' of a certain Henry "Bacon Thumbs" Stokes (nickname completely fabricated for this occasion)!"
"the place where other websites go to die!"
"Miss Thang, but you sho' ain't!"
"living, and I mean really LIVING - how many of you can say you've done that?!"
"going forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!"
"Schrodinger's Catnip!"
"only got eyes for you!"
"been unwittingly set as the home page by some old lady surfing in Delaware!"
"realizing the importance of sleeves!"
"giving you the most abstruse cryptogram!"
"got your horse right here!"
"also thinking of taking some free popping and locking classes!"
"one half of the dynamic duo known as the 'Two Websites of Power'!"
"wishing you a happy life day!"
"just brimmin' with self-loathin'!"
"flat on its back in a gutter somewhere, wasted!"
"crazy in the coconuts!"
"a puking idle-headed skainsmate - either that or a cullionly toad-spotted lewdster!"
"now getting its vittles at the local chip-shop, what what!"
"What's Hot!"
"the polynumeric function systematic reference fully operational big black blob!"
"checking out the hook while your DJ revolves it!"
"thinking it's cool when it's noffett!"
"seen thee, Queen of Cheese!"
"dumb in a hundred different ways!"
"through being cool!"
"just a poor boy, nobody loves me!"
"the cause of – and solution to – all of life’s problems!"
"for one, welcoming our new Inanimate Wheeled One-Armed Box overlords!"
"holding out for at hero 'till the end of the night!"
"got a hump like a snowhill!"
"Amore! Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling!..."
"a Steward of the Land!"
"where something happens and doo-doo-doodoo-doo!"
"been sent to prison by a military court for a crime it didn't commit, then promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground, and today is still wanted by the government, surviving as a soldier of fortune!"
"singing a song to the pirate crime-fighter, urging him to pick one avocation over the other - for he cannot be both, as the concepts are mutually exclusive!"
"tempting!"
"gonna ~~make~~ coerce your day, if you'll just give it a ~~chance~~ $500.00!"
"crocodilicious!"
"an omen of Ragnarok (i.e. the Norse apocalypse)!"
"never gonna get it, never gonna get it, never gonna get it, never gonna get, never get it... no, not this time!"
"this close to selecting you as Miss Scarlet Harlot 1997!"
"a product of its parents' ardor, just like you!"
"not the druids you're looking for!"
"beta-tested until appealing to the palette of discriminating gourmands!"
"shooting lasers out of its eyeballs, yes it's awesome!"
"secretly frightened of beluga whales, tell no one!"
"Her Majesty's secret serpents!"
"brought to you by Crazy Crawdad's Crapeteria, where it's a lot like Hooters!"
"about to transform... *eeent-cheent ahht chuk choo*!"
"in its underwear eating a bowl of Froot Loops!"
"most definitely gotten to England or carried exotic spices from the Indies with only its legs!
"gone back in time and disguised itself as Lincoln's handkerchief just so that it could physically touch the nose of HISTORY!"
"alive and well and currently living in Grand Rapids, Michigan!"
"got a quest to undo the spell of living stone cast upon its family by driving the evil serpent-men back into another dimension, and vanquishing their leader, the cruel wizard Rathamon!"
"not as much fun as advertised!"
"wishing it were anywhere but here!"
"also a floor wax!"
"carbon-dated to the paleolithic era!"
"finally found its home!"
"earned its place in the baseball hall of fame!"
"commonly called 'the clap!'"
"eating its weight in peanut butter!"
"had its last 8 or so of these ghost-written by Emily!"
"putting a robot on drums!"
"making it in New York, and as a result, now capable of making it anywhere... New York! New York!"
"been encased in carbonite!"
"just about had enough of you!"
"got no lips, got no tongue, got a broken face, uh-huh, uh-huh, ooh!"
"been bulldozed in a landfill in Albuquerque, marking the end of an era!"
"actually been a prince from a nearby kingdom all along!"
"got Bette Davis eyes!"
"kind of had it in for you ever since you accidentally ran over its dog. Actually, replace 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly', and replace 'dog' with 'son'!"
"nobody's business but the Turks!"
"got the Touch!"
"apropos of nothing!"
"successfully avoided quoting Napoleon Dynamite!"
"GOTU!"
"where we wanna go... way down to Kokomo!"
"a dirty marshmallow with fangs!"
"crazy, but it gets the job done!"
"statistically rigorous!"
"partially dehydrogenated!"
"all about Kelly today!"
"getting its degree! It can major in business management or accounting!"
"got its powers in the gluttony and the pleasure of the belly!"
"an abomination under the Lord!"
"not that into you!"
"also learning the spiked nunchaku!"
"inexplicably popular with the fat cats on Wall Street!"
"lied to the red hammer!"
"can walk through goats!"
"a hotbed of vice and lubricity!"
"primarily responsible for all skin blemishes!"
"reminiscing on the occasion it first heard the word 'bee-yotch'!"
"where people can read stuff and like yeah!"
"brazenly ignoring internet blogging standards you've come to expect!"
"saying rugpu!"
"bringing us one step closer to the brink of extinction!"
"brought to you by Charter Game Concepts, LTD!"
"strong enough to break the bravest heart!"
"thinking about becoming a cyborg!"
"A MAN-HOSE!"
"the only urban legends site on the net that will tell you they're all true!"
"inexplicably no longer classified as a 'blog-like thing' in Dorotha's blog's links list!"
"able to use its clairvoyant powers to aid the police in solving murders!"
"offered nano-bot amnesty since 2129!"
"rockin' the mic like it does all night!"
"the one that gave Little Mikey from the LIFE cereal commercial the pop rocks that killed him!"
"sparing you the dramatics!"
"standing by for Mind Control!"
"a sockdologizing old man-trap!"
"worse at what it does best and for this gift it feels blessed!"
"tearing the shriek out of your throat!"
"a victory over boredom!"
"your shot of estrogen for the day!"
"the electronic equivalent of an oasis in the desert!"
"Gutenberg's other Bible!"
"been voted unanimously unatonably uninnovative!"
"supercalifragilicious!"
"the birthplace of despair!"
"what you get when you cross a gorilla and an elephant!"
"flibberty flum jibbertibbities!"
"liking that underlying threat of laser danger!"
"also known as 'Inside Joke City' - Ain't that right... 'Gerbil-Box'? You know the score!" ('56.8'; Am I home, t.g.? FLAGONS. hehehe)
"up to no good!"
"all about the Benjamins!"
"partial to the endocrine system!"
"sardonically irreverent!"
"paying the piper!"
"the Heart and Soul of Every Working American!"
"so very very reassuring!"
"refusing to move beyond the Wonderful World of 1998!"
"pretty much enzorbled!"
"doing it for the ladies!"
"twenty times the man you are!"
"like a rainbow in the dark!"
"filled with secret codes that only YOU can solve!"
"BOLSHEVIK!"
"shaking it like the Polaroid picture!"
"occupying your every waking thought!"
"making a lot of the products you buy better!"
"gleaming the cube!"
"arguably our enemy's greatest living asset!"
"for whom the bell tolls, sucka!"
"one of them weaponized hallucinogens!"
"the only site with the guts enough to give Gorbachev a what-for!"
"the leading cause of nepotism among the upper classes!"
"positively teeming with allegory!"
"the BEAST of Eden... Don't make me repeat it!"
"not getting updated much cause I gots work to do!"
"who you're gonna call after the Ghostbusters have been proven ineffectual!"
"Beverly Cleary... Remember, Beverly Cleary? Come on, sure you do!"
"stealing your soul and putting it in its scrapbook!"
"now a major motion picture!"
"yours to do with as you please... in bed!"
"a barnacle on the hull of the proud ship America!"
"the kind of site that traditional trout fisherman love to hate!"
"eating itself from within!"
"a very Muppet's Veteran's Day!"
"a place for people who like to pretend to be imaginary magical animals to meet each other and exchange imaginary magical animal-themed e-cards!"
"sort of iridescent, if I'm understanding the meaning of that word right!"
"the only place on the net where you won't see me naked!"
"maintained by a secret consortium of Kabbalistic magicians!"
"been boingboinged!"
"walking among you... in human form?!"
"like a kind of torture!"
"grossing you out by using words like 'necrophage'... Ew!"
"looking like a monkey and smelling like a zoo!"
"got a gobsmacking level of craft on display!"
"selling seashells by the seashore!"
"able to speak fluent onomatopoeia!"
"read daily by the resurrected spirit of the mad demon high-lord Ezgharsh the Soul-Gorger, who finds it quite droll and diverting!"
"curious about rumors of Stalin's man-apes!"
"one rambunctious golden retriever!"
"a symbol of Frigga, Norse goddess of women's crafts!"
"known for its ofttimes confoundicating mystiwitticisms!"
"really digging the following word (but not what it stands for): effluvium!"
"been operating since before the internet even began... imagine that!"
"sowing the seeds of discord!"
"shaping up to be uninspiring!"
"aware of exactly why there are so many songs about rainbows... but isn't telling!"
"a capricious fibber like yourself!"
"been counted among the ranks of the terminally belligerent!"
"been acknowledged as fully sentient after successfully passing the Turing test!"
"giving you the Intellectual Gunpowder you need to drive your point home!"
"wantonly malicious!"
"made by some rarefied poncey bloke!"
"number one in subliminal messaging (((((you agree)))))!"
"self-conscious about its over-use of parentheses, for some reason!"
"guilty, your Honor, guilty guilty guilty!"
"prone to negative self-judgment!"
"liking you liking it!"
"preferring you to be fully clothed and decent when you view it!"
"sick and tired of you always clicking all over it!"
"about as spaz-tacular as one is going to find in this day and age!"
"failing to attract readers aged 9 - 9 1/2 weeks old!"
"the end-all be-all of everything - yes, the very Nexus of the Universe!"
"where crocodiles go to mate!"
"looking a gift horse in the mouth to determine its age by the quantity and character of its teeth!"
"the one site the Forestry Service doesn't want you to see!"
"got dandruff!"
"a place to sit back, unwind, kick your feet up, annoy others, and get thrown out by the management!"
"not just some floozy you bookmark once and then never reload, thank you very much!"
"jots jots bo bots banana fana fo fots fe fi fo fots JOTS!"
"bettin' you're a cretin!"
"got seven and a half fingers on its middle hand and each one has a very sophisticated extractable laser at the tip that can cut like a knife!"
"pulling on your pantcuff with its cute widdle teef. Arf!"
"providing continuous coverage of the 2006 Winter Olympics!"
"caught between Scylla and Charybdis!"
"laughing its way to the bank - the blood bank, that is!"
"forbidding in its magnificence!"
"cuter & younger than you ever were!"
"sustaining you in an otherwise nutrient deficient world!"
"seen better days!"
"being such a crybaby!"
"not your mother!"
"endful... you know, like the opposite of endless!"
"Philadelphia in Reverse!"

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